Quick! Jam A Potato In The Wound!

Blog

* In some cultures, that's considered a sign of affection. Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Well, it's the end of 2009. Usually I feel the urge to do some big retrospective, but you know what? I have a sinus infection that is destroying the humor center of my brain, and when I redid this blog, I lost all my lists, because backing up files is for LOSERS.

So enough of that. Instead, this blog entry is going to be about the amazing people I know, and thank them for being a friend of this blog, and of me, and generally being made of badassery.

Along with this blog, the following links should keep you happy and amused well into 2012 (unless the zombie apocalypse comes, but let's not dwell, shall we?).

The following are in nor order, because you cannot ORDER awesomeness. It is impossible. Believe me.

* First, a big thank you to Caro, who started World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley, introduced me to some fantastic people, and controls the internet from her secret lair. She does. Don't piss her off.

* Stina, besides being one of the best writers I know, is also funny, smart, and has ZERO tolerance for bullshit. And she makes statements like this:

I can’t stand smelly people. BATHE. You are in PUBLIC. Other people ARE FORCED TO SMELL YOU.

Her blog, Naps In The Library, has stories that are frightening, interesting, clever, funny, and violent. These are all superb things.

* One of the best parts of this year is the group of sickeningly talented artists I've met. Coaster is one of them, and she DREW ME A PREZZENT, which I will be keeping hidden until my birthday, when I will reveal the awesome. In the meantime, here is gender-bending awesome:

Silver Surfer and Girlactus by ~coasterchild on deviantART

* When I grow up, I want to be half as cool/talented/secksi as Millarca. Mermaid Left as Ligan is a fun blog that features knitting, DALEKS, Janis Joplin, nakedness, AND FLUFFY PINK HATS:

YES, THAT IS A T-REX ON IT.

* Megan, one of the girls from World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley, keeps a blog (The Void Breathed Hard On My Heart, Turning Its Illusions To Ice, Shattering Them) that has David Tennant being SEX ON LEGS, and Alan Tudyk mocking Firefly, and Robert Downey, Jr., so maybe if we all harass her she'll blog more often. Plus she is the Keeper Of Actor Music. She knows what I mean.

* You wish you knew Miss Banshee. You totally do, because she is smart, funny as HELL, and could destroy you all with a cutting, well-timed insult in between blogging for Mama!Pop and ruling over her kitties with an iron fist. Head on over to Inverse Candlelight, and behold her powers.

* Dances With Elvis is almost disgustingly talented, and you can see her art linked from her blog, Something Wicked This Way Comes (which is also incredibly entertaining). Additionally she is wicked-clever, a science geek, and could probably kill us all if she was so inclined. Luckily, she won't be so inclined, as long as we keep the caffeine flowing. Go check out her art, and behold her skillz:

Great Wyrm Head by ~DanceswithElvis on deviantART
I want a pet dragon. And she designs it. That's the plan.

* I've known Laroux (The Madness of Princess Larissa) for years, since I was in high school. I can honestly say she's one of my best friends, and an amazing person, and also she knows the ins and outs of fangirling, and she is the Music Genius of the Universe. This is not an exaggeration. She knows everything about music, ever. Also she is incredibly kind, smart, and talented. Unless you fuck with her. Then she will destroy you, and everything you hold dear, probably with the help of the Winchesters and Petrellis.

* I haven't known Brooklynne very long, but luckily my abilities to discern badassery have sharpened to a fine point over the years, and anyway she has so much badassery that even dead people can notice it. You can buy her hand-dyed yarn over at Grrrl Shaped Yarns (I did, and I am squeeing with excitement until they come, at which point I will probably faint/die with happy. If that happens, bury me with the yarn). You can also read about her at her blog, My Mind's A Stage, which is essentially pages of epic win and knitting love.

* Julie doesn't have a blog, because she has no time for technology because she is making art like this:

THAT IS IANTO JONES AND HE IS BRINGING ME COFFEE.

* Spazzy Yarn, another person who manages to be unspeakably awesome AND make pretty things, makes gorgeous yarn, and I ordered some, and it came with LAVENDER, and I almost don't want to knit anything with the yarn because it is so freaking gorgeous. Seriously, I could just hug it and be happy. This is not weird at all. Her site is closed for now, but check back often so you can get some of this yarn, because really, ANGELS would snuggle this shit.

* Do you make music? You probably don't make music like Ge Oh, who is an audio engineer, a songwriter, an editor, a designer, a producer, a writer, AND a fantastic human being. Also he's a super hero, but I'm not supposed to know that.

* My good friend and fellow zombie-fighter Dark Raven Kiki made me this for Christmas:

Merry Christmas Elle by ~darkravenkiki on deviantART
DUDE. Do you need any other reason to check out her work? DO YOU? Because I don't. ALSO SHE INCLUDED MY ZOMBIELAND HAT.

* Sheep Terror is:

A) The benevolent ruler of Iantoland

B) Possessor of some glorious tattoos

C) She wrote an intelligent, reasoned analysis of Children of the Earth (as opposed to my own screaming/crying/banging my head against the keyboard response, and NO I STILL HAVEN'T WATCHED IT AGAIN, I AM UNDER A LOT OF STRESS IN MY LIFE).

D) She is straight edge, which I have so much admiration and respect for.

E) She is a comic geek extraordinaire

F) ALL OF THE ABOVE.

* Crooked Fang is one of two vampires (Stina's being the first) on this list. He likes pie, blood margaritas, and loud music. If I put him on this list, maybe I will get to live, yes?

* Karma makes the videos that keep me up at night watching them, when I SHOULD be sleeping. Yes, that is my excuse for insomnia. Also she is a BAMF, and has no time for your bullshit.

* Every time I see this picture by Sullen Skrewt, I am made happy in a sick sort of way. Because the Joker is sick love, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise:

Joker abstract by *sullen-skrewt on deviantART
She also sent me a gorgeous Freddy picture for the holidays, because she is AWESOME SAUCE.

* Atchicory's blog, Odds and Ends makes me want to read more, which I would, if I had TIME. In 2010, I need more time. That's my demand. MAKE THIS HAPPEN. Anyway, she also likes Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, which is the main reason I hold out hope for Jhonen Vasquez.

* Lindragon as another artist who draws Rorschach, and this is Victorian Rorschach, and I need to go to my bunk now:

Victorian Rorschach by *Aiwe on deviantART

Meanwhile, I can't draw a damn STICK FIGURE. Luckily she's around to draw pretty pictures and I can stare at them, so everybody wins!

* Metalouise, high priestess of the coven of Knittiness, and also just a cool chick, makes socks like nobody's business, and is a bastion of wonderful. She needs to update her blog, Grammar Fetish, so I can see her brilliance more frequently.

* Are you listening to Fat Man After Dark's podcast and checking out his website? Why the fuck not? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Also he talks about sports, which I don't understand really (LIE. I understand baseball completely, I just don't know much about football) and he appreciates Classic Doctor Who.

* Escape Into Life is the only online arts journal you need to be reading. It's beautiful and comprehensive, and much more intelligent then my own art analysis, which is usually, 'pretty!'

* SilentKW's drawings are so intricate, most of the time they seem like photographs:

That Inglourious Basterd by =SilentKW on deviantART
Now she needs to draw me Ianto and Rorschach arguing over coffee. WHY DO I HAVE THESE THOUGHTS?

* Without a doubt, Irish's blog (Ticket To Anywhere) is the only book blog you need to read. She knows her SHIT. She also has magic powers that allow her to know about every book contest on the interwebz. I fear her.

* Adrian's photographs take my breath away:

Moments Like This by =DownedSystem on deviantART

And she offered the funniest commentary on The End Is Nigh video game ever.

* Theresa knows more about comics than I ever will (Redheads Do It In Elevator Shafts), and also is so so remarkably kind and sweet, and she knows the hidden underbelly of the internet, and SHE MADE ME A SCARF. So I win by proxy.

* Dan Faust is a BAMF, even if he sneers on the new Sherlock Holmes movie (but I may have had a spontaneous orgasm at the concept of Jeremy Irons as Holmes and David Thewlis as Watson, NOT THAT I ADMIT ANYTHING), and his blog (Faust's Fantastically Fantasmagoric Forum) is endlessly delightful. Also he draws ZOMBIE MONKEYS IN FEDORAS:

* Dear Erin: UPDATE YOUR BLOG. I love your drawings, and I want a Daily Doodle of Crow T. Robot, STAT. You are awesome. Also, we need to stop the violence against fireflies.

Love, LV

* Kaisha, you are made of badassery and win, (and she gave me caffeinated SOAP, which is like something sent down from heaven), and you liked my hat, so I am happy. So read her blog.

If I forgot you, I didn't mean it, and I suck. But how lucky am I to know such talented, glorious people?

It's been a hell of a year for FEAR AND LOATHING, with over 104,000 hits. That's pretty impressive, considering I write this by myself, before breakfast, while ingesting large quantities of coffee. Next year, let's aim for 200,000. I want to thank you all for your support, and I promise to blog every day of 2010 (with obvious holiday exceptions, or if I get hit by a bus).

I've got some big plans for the blog (maybe even my own website? DARE I DREAM?). And I thank you guys for your support, suggestions, and endless patience with my capslocks abuse.

2009 was a great and terrible year. Let's hope 2010 is made purely of win.

Wishing you the best (unless you suck, in which case I laugh at you and make snide comments about your shoes),

- LV

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Someone's Ear Is In Danger Of Having Hair Brushed Over It.

Blog
* Never has a tender endearment sounded so creepy. Title is from Zombieland.

* I am back, and I will be blogging again regularly. So rejoice, peons.

* Dan Faust, phantasmagorical man that he is, lists his top ten books of the year. I need to read them all, right now, because his list includes demons, super-powered teens, and motherfucking DEMIGODS.

Food!Win
* I am going to make these for Danceswithelvis, because A) she deserves them because she is epic win, and B) I want to make cupcakes with POLAR BEARS on them:

[Found at Bakerella]
Plus they've got soda in them, and you know how I feel about soda (hint: PURE LOVE).

Girly!Shit
* Reader Kuhlchikk sent me this link, which almost made me glad I bite my nails, because at least they are not DEFORMED:

Bubble nails? REALLY? Puffy nails? I forbid the existence of these things. They will NOT become popular in 2010. DO YOU HEAR ME?

Whut?
* This is a pencil. Plated with pure gold:

[Found at LikeCool]
WHY DOES THIS EXIST? WHO WOULD DO THIS? IS IT ART? IS IT A COMMENTARY ON OUR SOCIETY? OR IS IT JUST A STUPID, STUPID WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY? WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE ALLOW THIS THING INTO BEING? More to the point, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH STUFF I COULD BUY WITH THAT FREAKING PENCIL? I need more coffee.

Fandom
* Look, I am really trying to be nice to the Twilight people. It's a New Years' resolution, yeah? I am going to be mature, and make fun of them WITH the rest of the fandom universe. I'm growing as a human being.

But then I see shit like this, and how can I NOT comment?

[Found at Etsy]
A life-sized Edward Cullen sticker is watching you sleep. How is this not creepy? There is no one I want watching me sleep, especially by BREAKING INTO MY ROOM WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE AND THEN DICTATING HOW I LIVE MY LIFE BECAUSE AS A WOMAN I CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS FOR MYSELF, OR BUCKLE MY OWN SEATBELT.

Sorry, sorry. I'll go work on my New Years' Resolution, you go burn this giant scary sticker, OK?

Stark Trek
* Star Trek plus Pulp's "Common People" plus cartoony goodness plus Monday without work equals:

Well, the work bit may only apply to me, but still, STAR TREK AND PULP.

Art
* I went to this:

You be hating, yes? I got to see the reindeer topiary from Edward Scissorhands, and Pierce Brosnan's head from Mars Attacks! And the knives from Sweeney Todd, and the costume from Edward Scissorhands, and the scarecrow from Sleepy Hollow and the models from A Nightmare Before Christmas, AND THE ANGORA SWEATER FROM ED WOOD, WHICH SHOULD HAVE WON ALL THE OSCARS EVER.

I'm OK now.

Daily Hot Guy

[And now I am REALLY OK. John Barrowman, AKA Captain Jack Harkness from Doctor Who and Torchwood. Even though I am VERY ANGRY with Captain Jack due to the third season of Torchwood, but he is still a very, very sexy man. Can't deny that.]

WTF, INTERNET?
* Dude, did you hear? You can get your ashes put in a sculpture of a person's head. No, listen: You could get your ashes put in your OWN HEAD, or your ex-husband's head (that would freak him out), or your kids' head (teach the little shit to forget your birthday), or the PRESIDENT'S HEAD:

[Found at Wonkette]
I want to have my ashes put in the head of John Adams. Or William Shatner. I don't need to explain myself to you.

Music
* This song won't stop playing in my head, and I have no problem with that AT ALL:

This is a badass song, and I CHALLENGE you to argue that.

Comics
* I found this through Warren Ellis, but it's drawn by Eliza Gauger, who is my new hero:

[Found at Warren Ellis]
If I was Batman, I'd do that too, all the time.

Words Of Win

see more Epic Fails

Life Lessons
* King Oblivion, Phd. of the International Society of Supervillians teaches us about life, sex in bathrooms, and other important lessons he gleamed from Grand Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony:

Cage fights are pretty fun until the guy with the knife shows up.
That guy's a dick.

Not if you manage to sneak in a flame thrower.

Politics
* WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE UNIVERSE? REALLY? I CAN'T EVEN... WHAT?!

[Found at Wild Ammo]
THERE IS ONE WHERE THE UNICORN IS POURING SUNTAN LOTION ONTO OBAMA'S BACK. I AM NOT KIDDING, LOOK:

WHAT IS GOING ON? WHY IS AMERICA THE UNICORN MASSAGING LOTION INTO THE PRESIDENT?

Epic!Fail
* So when depressed teenagers are jumping on front of trains, the OBVIOUS SOLUTION is to stand around the train tracks and make sure they don't jump, rather then, you know, having a conversation with the kids, or trying to find out WHY the kids are so depressed:

There are no shrines erected here, no memorials to the four dead teenagers. No one wants to romanticize what happened. In fact, no one even uses the "S" word, instead referring to "the incidents," or "the misuse of the tracks." The volunteers fear saying anything that could encourage another copycat.

WHAT THE FUCK. These kids committed suicided. This should not be a taboo word. They committed suicide. The word does NOT make people go, 'Gee, I totally want to do that!.'

These kids are suicides. They are not 'incidents,' or 'misuses of the tracks.' How dare you undermine what these kids were suffering, and how desperate and hopeless they must have felt to do such a thing. HOW DARE YOU. And calling it an 'incident' won't stop other depressed, desperate kids from doing this.

These kids were depressed and scared and in so much pain that jumping front of a TRAIN seemed a better alternative to living. You could call it 'happy fun time.' It doesn't matter. Fuck your little watch crew. The next depressed teen won't jump in front of a train. They'll find another way, if they're that determined.

Maybe just talk to these kids? Get them counseling? Find out WHY they feel so hopeless, and solve the problem? No. No, standing out in the cold on the train tracks is a much better solution to having a conversation with your kid. Because that might mean admitting you failed on some level, or need to make an effort and change your parenting, and GOD FORBID you might have to do that.

I just don't understand the logic here. If a kid overdoses on a prescription, or cuts their wrists, are they going to follow teenagers into the bathroom? Because that could get all SORTS of awkward.

Books
* I had some more coffee and have calmed down. I would like this chair:

[Found at Incredible Things]
It can hold 300 books! That's like, 1/3 of my collection, maybe!

Doctor Who
* I have not seen the "End Of Times" Doctor Who episode, SO DO NOT SPOIL IT, but Bossmew sent me this, and it in no way surprises me:

GOD DAMN YOU, RUSSELL T. DAVIES. WHY MUST YOU KILL MY HAPPY? STOP TRYING TO BE JOSS WHEDON. JOSS WHEDON HAS ENOUGH TROUBLE WITH THAT.

People I Love
* Once upon a time, a dude was selling hot dogs in New Orleans (much like A Confederacy of Dunces, which is one of my favorite books ever, and HAVE YOU READ IT?). Some other dude tried to rob him, with a knife. Well, Hot Dog Dude used to be a Marine, and he FUCKING PWNS that sorry-ass robber, WHILE WEARING the hot dog-seller uniform. Look at this BAMF:

[Found at Nola]
He is my hero. Let's all buy a hot dog from him, and discuss A Confederacy of Dunces.

You know, if you all go follow my blog on Twitter, I may have a New Years' surprise for you all. Or I may be lying. But if you don't follow me, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, and it will haunt you all your days, the end.
- LV

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I AM A Giddy Goat.

Blog
* You know, when you say this out loud, in real life, people tend to give you some peculiar looks. Title is from The IT Crowd.

* ThatRevChap (who is the husband of the fabulous and all-powerful Patience, proving the universe can be glorious sometimes) has a gaming blog, and because of it I now want video games, an iPhone, and Ben & Jerry's ice cream. And I think I deserve them.

Daily Buy
* I want these leather gauntlets, and I think they are badass, and I know for a fact I am not getting them, but I SHOULD, RIGHT?

[Found at Free People]
They are SWEET, and only $30.00, and a STEAL, and I need them in my life, because I think the zombie apocalypse is coming soon, and these would be helpful, and I will only tell you how to survive said apocalypse in exchange for these leather gauntlets. Times are tough, guys.

Holiday!Fail
Roland Burris has ruined "'Twas The Night Before Christmas".

Well, then.

TeeVee
* I can't embed this video, which is depressing, but you MUST click the link, because it is Dean Winchester (AKA Jensen Ackles) from Supernatural, ad-libbing a music video to 'Eye Of The Tiger' while dancing all over the Impala, and I could watch it forever and be a better person. Sent to me by Karma, who HAS the eye of the tiger, but not Dean Winchester. DOES SHE?

Awesome
* Oh. My. God. What you are about to see was sent to me by BossMew, and I will be in her debt for this for ALL TIME. It is a picture of David Tennant. Dressed as Russell Brand. THERE ARE NO WORDS:

NO WORDS, PEOPLE.

Childhood!Fail
* And, on the opposite end of the wordless spectrum, we have this delightful piece of information:

As many as three-quarters of state schools are failing to push their brightest pupils because teachers are reluctant to promote 'elitism', an Ofsted study says today.

This is happening in England. Here in the US, we don't have gifted students. We sell them to other countries for gold. Low blow?

Daily Hot Guy

[Anthony Rapp, because it's almost Christmas, and even jaded New Yorkers sort of love Rent at Christmas, RIGHT? Anyway, who cares, he's adorable, and when he sings I am happy.]

Movie!Win
* Um, I kind of love Mark Millar's Batman idea. Don't hurt me, but the idea of the Joker as super-rich, quasi Se7en serial killer anarchist (with Harley Quinn, PLZ?) makes me all fangirly and squee. I would see this movie. SEE IT A LOT. But until then, I'll have to buy the comic, Nemesis, when it comes out, and see how this all turns out.
And yes, I know of course that his idea is not a Batman comic, but I am going to pretend that the Joker and Harley have renovated Arkham into a kick-ass mansion, and have cool gadgets, and are rich and crazy.

Wow
* Today I learned that we should NEVER, EVER mix Family Guy with Disney animation.

Family Guy - Disney Style - A funny movie is a click away
HOLY CRAP. I am scared and frightened and want to go away from all of it.
Except for the Adam West mouse. I love that bit.

Animals
* The giant bunny thinks it's a doggie!

[Found at the Daily Mail]
I have nothing else to add. DOGGIE BUNNY.

Crafts
* You can make a VCR into a toaster.

[Found at Neatorama]
Today everything is upside down! DOGS ARE BUNNIES, TENNANT IS BRAND, AND VCRS ARE TOASTERS.
PS The Young Ones is one of the best fucking shows EVER.

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at Ugliest Tattoos]
I am going to pretend, for the rest of my life, that this man's name is actually Tom.

OK. I may be getting sick, or someone may have laced my coffee with Swine Flu. Which would be the same thing, ish.

- LV

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NOD! Nod At What I Am Saying Or I Will Shoot!

Blog
* See, this is why I can't go to court. Because this seems a good way to convince the jury. Title is from Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.

* If you want to know about books, you read Irish's blog. She writes thoughtful reviews, tells you about fun contests, and knows her SHIT. She's also scary smart and funny, but that almost goes without saying.

I remember when I had time to read, before the internet and work and friends and my attention span shrank to the size of a dime. Good times, good times.

Daily Buy
* I already wrote, in my other blog, about how unfair it is that being a girl seems to negate your ability to receive action figures for Christmas, and how I do indeed want designer clothes and makeup, and yarn, and Doctor Who DVDs, and action figures, and a goat.
So let me just say that I desperately need this Hot Toys' Joker:

[Found at Amazon]
It costs $134.59, and belongs in my life. Thank you.

Holiday!Fail
* There is so much wrong with this picture. So, so much.....

[Found at Santa, No!]
I can't even... his face.... the candle.... what sort of music is ON this CD?

Politics
* Is this happening today? Or was it last week? I have no sense of time anymore. I always assume there is an extra week in December, and there ISN'T, which wreaks havoc on my schedule. Anyway, it seems that teabaggers were/are going to go into Senate offices and pretend to fall down dead, to prove a point of massive importance. I don't know why. Because healthcare is bad? Oh, because government healthcare is bad. OK. Well. Um. I somehow suspect that pretending to fall down dead in a Senator's office will not increase the validity of the teabagger movement. Just a thought.

* Because a lot of people give a shit about Tiger Woods and his harem of women-sex-pals and the whole debacle, even though I am not among them and would rather stop hearing about it, but what I want doesn't matter to the media, because there would be a WHOLE CHANNEL devoted exclusively to Arrested Development, Firefly, and all the other shows I love that got cancelled prematurely. What were we talking about? Oh, yes, well, the International Society of Supervillians looks at the CNN coverage of Tiger Woods, and journalistic integrity is already dead, so let's just enjoy the drama of the man who hits tiny balls with a stick!

Epic!Fail
* So, once upon a time a woman, let's call her Leslie, attends her sister's surprise birthday party. Leslie's sister and her friends are in the theater watching New Moon, when all the friends start singing 'Happy Birthday,' thrilling Leslie's sister at their thoughtful gesture.

Unsurprisingly, Leslie wants to record this, and videotapes the event for posterity. It comes to about four minutes of footage.

This, however, is a bit shocking:

Meanwhile, 22-year-old Samantha Tumpach spent two nights in jail for recording her friends singing "Happy Birthday" at a movie theater, for capturing less than four minutes of a feature film. She is charged with a felony and if convicted, could lose the right to vote, to work with children, to hold office, and to partake in full civil life.

Really, universe? The girl caught four minutes of a movie on camera, and it's a FELONY? I mean, people are murdering and stealing and committing terrible, terrible crimes, and THIS is what we're freaking out about? TWO NIGHTS IN JAIL?

Have we as a nation become so demented that this seems like a LOGICAL RESPONSE?

Yes, yes, the charges have since been dropped, but the point is that THEY WERE MADE. THIS IS CRAZED. This girl wasn't some fan trying to get a bootleg copy of the movie. THE MOVIE WAS INCIDENTAL. WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?

Technology
* If you follow me on Twitter, you probably know that I love getting presents almost as much as I love giving them. And with Christmas but a few days away, my bitter little atheist heart is melted a bit by upcoming festivities, foods, family, and free stuff.

On the downside, I start to get into a mental state where I want everything I see online, all the while cheerfully admitting I have no clue as to what it is.

This is one such item:

[Found at The World's Best Ever]
It's a sidecar, thing, and it's red and it goes fast, and maybe if I learn to ride it without dying I can meet Tony Stark? Also it's French. I don't know. But I need one.

Books
* Sheepterror, who I defer to on all things Torchwood related, because she is a GENIUS, and just generally cool, shared this link of comic book artists illustrating their favorite science fiction authors. He's not a science fiction author, but this may be my favorite, for obvious reasons:

[Found at Wired]
I really do need to get a Hunter S. Thompson tattoo of some sort. Not this, but something. AND it's drawn by Ben Templesmith, which makes it even BETTER. This picture also made me very happy:

[Found at Wired]
I love Jorge Luis Borges. HARDCORE. I'd really recommend his short fiction if you've never read his work. You're missing out. Trippy as hell. Like a mix of Gabriel Garcia Marquez and H.P. Lovecraft, but uniquely its own work as well.

Daily Hot Guy

[Matt Damon. He is HOT. And wicked smart, and he's charming and funny and from BOSTON, which is currently my favorite city in America. AND he's going to be Jason Bourne again, and maybe it won't suck, no?]

Nostalgia!Win
* I am a child of the nineties (untrue, technically. I was born in the 80s, but since I had limited motor skills and don't remember jack shit, so I qualify myself as a nineties kid, since I can RECALL the nineties), but I remember most of these arcade games from the Jersey Shore arcade, and I think these totally fucked up games sum up my generation, and the one right before me, amazingly well. DOES ANYONE ELSE REMEMBER ANTEATER?


Torchwood
* Speaking of Torchwood, and Gareth David-Lloyd, Miss Laroux sent me this video, in which Mr. David-Lloyd discusses, um, fisting. No, really:

HE SAYS SWEARS AND THEY SOUND CLASSY, CUZ WELSH ACCENTS MAKE EVERYTHING DAMN CLASSY.

People I Love
* I love Leonard Cohen, even AFTER the Sex Scene of Uncomfortable Laughing And Sneezy-Looking 'O' Face And Please Tell Me It Was Supposed To Be Funny, Mr. Snyder that it played over in Watchmen. I clearly still have serious problems with that part of the film.

Moving on, Leonard Cohen invented a drink, called The Red Needle, and I think I should partake of it whilst listening to some of his music, which is lovely.

Movie!Fail
* I genuinely like many of Gus Van Sant's movies. I think My Own Private Idaho was beautiful, and Good Will Hunting and Drugstore Cowboy and Milk are all very well done and lovely. And To Die For is criminally underrated.

I used to be a big fan of Bret Easton Ellis, although now I suspect his books are better as movies, and that American Psycho is sort of rubbish in literary form, and that while the first half of Glamorama is a shockingly funny and entertaining look at celebrity, the second half is utterly tiresome shock-attempting bullshit.

But these two are making a movie together, and it is going to be, without a shadow of a doubt, the most pretentious piece of cinema ever to be forced upon a terrified public.

Today is the first day of Christmas vacation, and I have a lot of NOTHING to accomplish. I may be inordinately excited about this.
- LV

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Oh, Yeah. I’ve Got To, Uh - I’ve Got To Go - Over There. Right Now.

Blog
* Oh Sam, you are a true diplomat. Title is from Supernatural.

* And we're BACK! I enjoyed my brief break (and seeing my GLORIOUS friend Miss Laroux, AND the band Thursday), and snow-storms do NOTHING to me, SO SUCK IT, WEATHER!

* Patience, who I want to be when I grow up and is made of epic Epic-ry, ALSO loves Janis Joplin. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE LEVEL OF COOLNESS WE ARE DEALING WITH?

Daily Buy
* Sweet Libertine cosmetics needs to be mine. The makeup is gorgeous and pretty-ful (yes, I am making up words today, what of it?) and you can get an eyeshadow a month for $200, which would make a fantastic present for ANYONE inclined to makeup. Like me.

[Found at Sweet Libertine Cosmetics]

Holiday!Fail
* Um, I think you have to pick ONE:

[Found at Flickr]

WTF, INTERNET?
* I officially have NO FREAKING CLUE who thought a dragon figure of President Obama would be a clever idea for a gift:

[Found at Wonkette]
I mean, as someone who likes Obama, I do not want this in my house. It scares me, and I suspect it eats the souls of children as they sleep.

You could buy it for someone who hates Obama, I guess, but do they really WANT a figurine of Obama in dragon form in their home? Wouldn't that be like having a framed picture of the person you hate most hanging over the fireplace?

Also the figurine has no pupils. I think it's a DEMON DRAGON. That you could buy for $7.99. And they have a McCain gargoyle, but even THAT is more frightening than amusing/flattering, and maybe stop making FIGURINES of political figures that FREAK ME RIGHT THE HELL OUT.

I'm just glad they don't have Sarah Palin as a centaur or something. Or a unicorn. I COULDN'T HANDLE THAT RIGHT NOW.

Music

Because I saw them this weekend, and they PLAYED THIS SONG WHICH MADE ME SO HAPPY, and I didn't die near the mosh pit, and the guitarist from Dillinger Escape Plan jumped on the bar and danced around, and Thursday is WIN.

Comics
* According to this article, Marvel hates women. Especially powerful women. They are teh evil, and must be destroyed. Unlike all the dudes who are too powerful and must be destroyed because, hey, that's different.

This whole 'are comics sexist?' argument gets on my nerves, because the short answer is Yes, and the long answer is Not anymore, Not really, But....

Also, they're escapist fantasy, and they're fun as hell, and anyway DC women are more fun/badass anyway (Hi, Harley Quinn!)

Daily Hot Guy

[David Tennant, AKA, The Doctor, and WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS UNIVERSE LEAVING? Dear Russell T. Davies: Stop killing characters I love for NO DAMN REASON. And convince David Tennant not to leave. Because I am blaming you for this. It's totally your fault. Mr Tennant, COME BACK!]

Words Of Win
* Nice doggy?

see more Epic Fails

Life Lessons
* Life lesson of the day: Sometimes bad guys make better good guys than the good guys, and are STILL better bad guys, so maybe good guys are obsolete, except Deadpool and Tony Stark.

Food!Fail
* I won't lie, if I was drunk I would eat this:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
It's a burger filled with chinese BBQ pork between two pork buns.
Yeah, sort of delicious, in a suicidal way.

SO why fail?

Because it's bigger than my head, and that frightens me.

I'm BACK! Did you miss me? I missed blogging.

Except when I innocently clicked a random link and ended up with Santa!Pron. That was not what I wanted.
- LV

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TEMPORARY HIATUS

FEAR AND LOATHING WILL HAVE NO NEW POSTS UNTIL THURSDAY NIGHT/FRIDAY MORNING.

THEN NO NEW POSTS UNTIL MONDAY, DECEMBER 21st.

I would apologize for the inconvenience, but it is a free blog, and I am going to Rifftrax tonight with fabulous people, so your argument is invalid.

- LV

PS BUT if you send me some cool links, I will try to get them up here, AND if you follow me on Twitter (effeandelle), I will be on there today, and promise to try to amuse/horrify you.

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You're Wet. Allow Me To Dry You Off - WITH MY PANTS!

Blog
* Say what you will, I freaking miss this show. Title is from Clone High.

* SilentWK draws pictures that I try to climb into:

That Inglorious Basterd by =SilentKW on deviantART
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS COMES OUT TOMORROW. Sorry, off topic. SilentWK has drawings of Zachary Quinto and the Joker that make me giggle with awe. Giggle because they are so gorgeous, and awe because, well:

Mr. Irons - Finale by =SilentKW on deviantART
JEREMY IRONS FTW. I was listening to his reading of Lolita last night on the train. It was weird and I enjoyed it.

Daily Buy
* I joke often about being a ninja, mostly because I am not in any way, shape, or form. But I still think I deserve this:

[Found at Think Geek]
And it's only $30.00, and it's a NINJA UMBRELLA OF EPIC JUSTICE. I just want it. If you can't understand why, I pity you.

Holiday!Fail
* TWO SHOTS TO THE HEAD TWO SHOTS TO THE HEAD:

[Found at Santa, NO!]

Fandom
* It's Monday. This is a little bit beyond my skills:

[Found at Boing Boing]
I really don't know anymore, guys. Why is the Stormtrooper also a ballerina? Who thinks of combining these things? Star Wars: The Ballet? These are questions I do not want to answer.

Jersey!Fail
* Have you watched Jersey Shore?

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

THOSE PEOPLE DO NOT REPRESENT ME. I AM NOT AFFILIATED WITH THEM.

Really, can't you guys just leave us alone? Go make fun of Maine for a while. THEY HAVE LOBSTERS.

Star Trek
* This is weird and funny and Star Trek.

This is what they're really saying, you know. Ignore the 'dialogue' from the 'episode' and trust Paraguay.

Daily Hot Guy

[Nathan 'The Hammer Is My Penis' Fillion. Future husband of one of my dearest friends. TRUFAX.]

Inglourious Basterds
* WHAT IS GOING ON TODAY ON THE INTERWBEZ?

Really, Quentin? This is not the way to reward my devotion.

Art
* I went to the Tim Burton exhibit at the MOMA yesterday (and if you get a chance, you should go - it was INCREDIBLE), so I know a thing or two about art:

[Found at DVICE]
This is not art. This just makes me cry and have to go sit in a quiet room.


Words Of Win
* This is both funny AND depressing, much like Monday itself:

see more Epic Fails

OK, I have to go do things with stuff.
- LV

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They're Like Sex, Except I'm Having Them!

Blog
* Oh, Fry. I don't know whether to judge you or hug you. Title is from Futurama.

* Sullen Skrewt is another one of those artists that I love because they're so talented, but I also sort of hate because they're so talented. I mean, LOOK AT THIS:

Joker abstract by *sullen-skrewt on deviantART
I LOVE this. Then again, Joker art needs to exist everywhere I am. I think my love outweighs the hate here, because she makes art of SUPREME WIN. When I'm rich, I will buy much of it. For my castle. In England. Shut up.

Freakangels Friday
* Huzzah, for Warren Ellis, eater of babies and fucker of zombies, has gifted us peons with another chapter of FREAKANGELS, and the world makes sense... until I stop reading, of course. Then it all goes to shit.

Daily Buy
* This warrants SUPER CAPSLOCKS.

[Found at Alter Ego Comics]
WHY DO I NOT OWN THIS DOC HOLLIDAY FIGURE? WHY IS IT NOT MINE? DOC FUCKING HOLLIDAY IS EASILY ONE OF THE TOP THREE MOST BAMF IN HISTORY, AND I LOVE HIM, AND NOW I NEED TO RENT TOMBSTONE.

Oh, and you can remove the pistol rounds, although I don't know WHY you'd want to do that. I just want to keep him safe from disease and loneliness. So, someone loan me $250, OK?

Holiday!Fail
* Well, if you need me, I'll be in the corner canceling Christmas:

[Found at Santa, No!]

Girly Shit
* I kind of stopped liking Salma Hayek after a while, because she got boring and stopped being made of epic win. But she looks fabulous in this Campari ad, and I think we all need to admit that:

[Found at Letters From The End Consumer]
Also her breasts have super-powers, and if she felt like it she could use them to rule the world. TRUTH.
PS, Salma, you were totally awesome in From Dusk 'Till Dawn, even if you did make Quentin Tarantino sad.

Dollhouse
* So when they announced the cancellation of Dollhouse, I didn't say much, nor was I that surprised, because:
A) It's FOX and Joss Whedon, and these things happen
B) Firefly got canceled, and Firefly was better than Dollhouse
C) Dollhouse only got renewed (in my opinion), because of the shit storm that followed the cancellation of Firefly
D) Dollhouse may have some of the best episodes Joss Whedon has ever filmed, but it's also his most uneven show yet.
E) While I have seen everything Joss Whedon has done, I am not a blind Whedonite. I thought Angel was better than Buffy, I am TIRED of his strong female lead, and I think Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog was his best work yet because he wasn't TRYING, he was just having fun.
F) I don't think Eliza Dushku is particularly fantastic, but what's worse, I dislike both Echo AND Caroline.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Dollhouse. Well, parts of it. I love Topher and Whiskey and of COURSE, I worship Alpha Wash.
Yeah, I was sad, but I wasn't surprised, and I don't think it was ENTIRELY unjustified (except that Omega One may be one of the best hours on TV ever).

THEN, of course, Joss Whedon has to go and SCREW WITH MY HEAD, AGAIN, by releasing some freaking AMAZING episodes that are epic and brilliant and clever and ALL the good words, and now I am upset it's being cancelled, and tonight Alpha Wash comes back, and it will make me feel worse that the show is being cancelled, because NOW you decide to be amazing, Mr. Whedon? THAT IS NOT FAIR.

Daily Hot Guy

[Eric Stoltz. THE STOLTZ. With a beard. You're welcome.]

Whut?

[Found at Geekologie]
It's a ring that features a dinosaur eating a fried chicken leg.

No, I don't know. And I don't plan on finding out.

Zombies
* ZOMBIE BOARD GAME:

[Found at Nerd Approved]
Teach your children about the End Of Times, and have fun too!

OK, Friday, let's go.
- LV

PS, if you aren't following this blog on Twitter, the forces of evil will descend upon your home. Not my fault. Just the way things ARE.

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GIR! That Movie Is Some Kind Of Government Spying Tool! Quickly! Eat It!

Blog
* Spying tools are delicious. Title is from Invader Zim.

* Rorschachschick makes incredible videos, like this:

BADASS. BAD. ASS. AND TIM ROTH AND EDWARD NORTON. AND THE MUSIC IS SWEET. Sorry, I'm chugging coffee. But really, you need to watch her videos, because they are beautiful.

Daily Buy
* Totally sexy Mary Janes are the gifts that keep on giving:

[Found at Amazon]
And since I'm advertising them, for free, I get them for free, right? RIGHT? That's how the internet works, isn't it?
My wish list is fabulous, because of what I want, but sad, because nobody will BUY them for me.

Holiday!Fail
* Your Christmas tree is going to kill you and destroy everything you love.

[Found at World's Best Ever]
WE HAVE A SANTA LIKE THAT IN MY HOUSE. Or we did. I think the Christmas tree ate it.

Movie!Win
* I love Terry Gilliam. I really do. Can someone let him make his Don Quixote movie? He's tried for so long. They made a documentary about his failure. And Tideland really freaked me out. And even though it won't happen, his plans for Watchmen made me very nervous. And Robert Duvall as Don Quixote would be some deliriously delightful shit.

So can someone let Terry Gilliam make his movie? Please?

Childhood!Fail
* When I was little and went to EPCOT center, it was AMAZING. Some kid threw up on one ride, which as a small child is pretty much the height of comedy, and I got a stuffed Figment dragon from the ride 'Journey Into Imagination.'

Unfortunately, the ride is now gone, because Imagination is frowned upon, and everything is DOOMED. What's worse? I can't find my Figment dragon.
Here are ten rides that are gone from EPCOT.

Also, on the Wonders of Life ride, I distinctly remember hearing another little kid yelling, 'Ew! That's not what you said!' when the sperm appeared onscreen.


Wow
* Some people live in their own little worlds. Sometimes those worlds are scary:

I can not believe you do not remember me. My heart is broken, b****. Can you really say you don’t remember me?. After that marvelous date at that theatre? I still love you though Even though you’re a bit frazzle-minded.

Nothing good can come of this.


Daily Hot Guy

[Eric Northman from True Blood. When the HELL does that show come back on? I miss Hoyt saying 'Vampire Bill,' and the sex and drinking and mayhem that makes me want to go live in the South.]

Animals
* Do you know what a Tapir is?

A tapir (pronounced /ˈteɪpər/ "taper", or /təˈpɪər/ "ta-pier") is a large browsing mammal, roughly pig-like in shape, with a short, prehensile snout. Tapirs inhabit jungle and forest regions of South America, Central America, and Southeast Asia. There are four species of Tapirs, being the Brazilian tapir, the Malayan tapir, Baird's tapir and the mountain tapir. All four species of tapir are classified as endangered or vulnerable. Their closest relatives are the other odd-toed ungulates, including horses and rhinoceroses.

[Found at Wikipedia]
What it fails to mention is that they are the CUTEST THINGS EVAR:

[Found at Neatorama]
I need a baby tapir. It can be friends with my imaginary baby goat. DON'T JUDGE ME.

Apocalypse How?
* THE PLANES ARE GOING TO FALL OUT OF THE SKY. HIDE ME. I'MMA TAKE A FREAKING BOAT TO ENGLAND. NOTHING BAD HAPPENS ON BOATS. LET ME PRETEND THAT.

Crafts
* Guys, THIS EXISTS:

[Found at Neatorama]
There are people doing this, right now, as you read these words. Do you comprehend what that means? I don't think you do, at all.

Random
* I want Moss singing this song to be my ring tone. Can someone make this happen?

Tattoo Of Win
* I just.... I need someone to explain this to me. Please?

[Found at LOLTATZ]
Why is the lemur tripping on acid?

Food!Win
* These look like churros:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
In fact these are Deviled Corndogs, which are corndog hotdogs pureed with cheese, mayonnaise and tater tots, then re-baked inside a corndog shell.
I had no idea such things could exist.

OK. Off.

- LV

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