Well I'll Tell You What, If There's A Situation That Requires Showing Off Your Upper Body & Boozy Flirting, You're My Guy.

Blog
* Bruce Campbell is ALWAYS your guy. Always. Title is from Burn Notice.

Watchmen
* So while trying to search my computer for a comic script my computer has apparently EATEN, I did this:








I am a dork. But an awesome dork, so I forgive me.
- LV

Read More »»

You Were Strangled To Death With A Plastic Sack. That's Probably An Odd Thing To Hear But I Wasn't Sure How To Sugar-Coat It.

Blog
* No good comes from a conversation that starts this way. Title is from Pushing Daisies.

Freakangels Friday
* Huzzah, for it is Friday and not a skip week because everyone I love in the UNIVERSE is partying in San Diego, and Freakangels has returned in all its macabre and deviant glory, and I am smiles. Life is good again! So go read it, after you read this blog, OBVIOUSLY, and then come back and read my spoilers for this week's episode at the bottom, under my signature.

Jackie Earle Haley
* I never thought I'd say this in this category, but THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. WHY, oh Movie Gods of Movie, are they moving back the release date of Nightmare on Elm Street?

Look, if it comes out the same weekend as Iron Man 2, I will go see both. If you are worried about ticket sales, I will see NOES twice for every time I see Iron Man 2. OK? Don't make me WAIT, dammit. It's been MONTHS since Jackie Earle Haley released a movie, and I didn't get to go to Comic-Con, and TicketMaster HATES me for mysterious reasons, and frankly I have a LOT OF STRESS IN MY LIFE. Since I'm living at home I'm not allowed to buy a pet rat and name it Rorschach, or a hamster and name it Ianto, which SUMS UP why you should not live at home in your twenties, and Netflix keeps sending me Pushing Daisies instead of Torchwood, and I LOVE Pushing Daisies, and it's actually a better show, but dammit I need to flush out the trauma of Children of the Earth and I'm on an Ianto kick.

ALSO, Jackie Earle Haley has never been in a movie/TV show with Gareth David-Lloyd, and that makes me very sad. Someone needs to photoshop me an image of the two of them together, so I can geek out fully.

Also I painted my nails black and white for Rorschach yesterday, because I was bored. So the movie should come out NOW. AIRTIGHT LOGIC.

Also, have you listened to the ultimate Jackie Earle Haley podcast? He'll know if you're lying. Jackie Earle Haley frowns upon lying. Frowns, and then slays the liars with his mighty arms of justice.

And I'm sorry, because I like Benicio Del Toro a great deal, but I don't care when they release Wolfman. It's all about Nightmare on Elm Street, and I'm not going to shame myself by lying. Might anger Jackie Earle Haley.

Whedonverse
* Show of hands, who is excited about Joss Whedon's horror movie, The Cabin in the Woods? Everyone, obviously, because after that episode of Buffy with the dudes who didn't talk and smiled and KILLED, we know Mr. Whedon has a sick mind that should be allowed to run rampant. Plus, the posters indicate that it's going to be a fun, funny, smart horror movie, along the lines of Drag Me To Hell and Slither, which makes me even happier:

[Found at FearNet]
And it doesn't hurt that the chance of Whedon killing a character I desperately love in this movie is slim, since he already killed all of them in other mediums, so Wins all around. I will never stop loving Joss Whedon. Accept this. And watch all his shows, because he really is a genius.

Iron Man
* I love it when Robert Downey, Jr. talks about Tony Stark. You can tell this isn't some arbitrary performance to him. He thinks about the character. He cares about him. And he really wants to be faithful to the character he's playing. So I'm very excited about Iron Man 2, as you all should be, even if they're not totally addressing his alcoholism in this movie. Which I'll admit is a little disappointing, but s long as they allude to its beginning, I'm good. And it seems like they want a more gradual descent into self-destruction, which gets authenticity points. And more movies. Which I always endorse, if they involve Robert Downey, Jr. I mean:

[Found at io9]
Symmetrical facial hair WIN.

Nature
* M. Night Shyamalan was right. Plants are talking to each other, and they're going to plot against humans, and make us kill ourselves in surprisingly boring ways, and the human race will have to be rebuilt by Mark Wahlbergh, which does not bode well for those of us who aren't Mark Wahlbergh. Or who hated The Happening with a white-hot intensity, because it was all the awful in the world. Actually, they should do a double feature of that and Twilight, for serial killers. That's torture of a whole new mentality, and it would take human rights groups a few years to think up a response. Then again, the scientist could be completely talking out of his ass and wrong. I prefer that idea. Plants sit there and grow shit. That's what they do. If I find out the tomato plants on the deck are talking shit, you can be SURE I'll be making tomato sauce that night, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Daily Hot Guy

[Karl Urban, who I know as Dr. McCoy from the Star Trek reboot. My brain is swirling with 'doctor' jokes, and uncouth 'Bones' cracks, and you don't want that, so let's just sit quietly and admire, yes?]

Apocalypse How?
* Amazon wants to buy Netflix. The guy who wrote that article is all, 'Yay, wouldn't that be lovely?' NO. IT WOULD BE THE BEGINNING OF THE END. First Amazon buys Netflix. Then AmazoNetflix buys IMDB. Then AmazoNetflIMBD brings back the message boards, and those crazy people post their usual bullshit, only now their bullshit has super-powers and the internet EXPLODES, and we all die, and I never get to enjoy my Netflix queue, which I spent a lot of time organizing, and I'm still waiting for Battlestar Galactica, the end.

TwiHate
* Actually, I'd be lying if I said I didn't find this cake sort of amusing:

[Found at Geekologie]
But I don't like ice cream cake, and I think eating sparkly vampires has not been approved by the FDA, so you can have my slice.

Girly Shit
* I want the shoe on the right:

[Found at ShoeLust]
You can have the one on the left. And you can laugh when I fall out of those shoes and seriously injure myself.

Music
* Cheap Trick released their newest album on 8-track. This may have made my life good again. Also made me like Cheap Trick again. What? They had some good songs, and you know it. Shut up. Leave me to my 8-tracks, you mp3-loving weirdo.

Technology
* Here is an article on Email etiquette. Now, my older relatives don't read this blog, because I curse and lust and have tattoos and smoke and yell, but I hope they pick up this article by osmosis, because sending me an Email in ALL CAPS that is about both my bad attitude AND a chain letter, and then they write ANOTHER Email asking me why I didn't RESPOND to the chain letter, and I wonder if I can feasibly change my Email address.
Actually, this SomethingAwful piece sums up my relative Email issues remarkably well.


Watchmen
* On a scale of 1-10 on the Amazing metere, this is about a 9.9.

I'm lying, it's a 12. MILLION. YES. Made by Prefiera. I want her rat. Is that weird? Yes, it is.

Tattoo Of Win
* This gentleman here got a tattoo of a Palm Pre, so he could get a free one.

If you need me, I'll be busy getting a tattoo of a book deal. And a flame-thrower. And Rorschach. What? WHAT? Apparently these are the rules now. You get a tattoo of something, you OWN it. That explains why people get their names tattooed on their own bodies. Everything makes sense now!

Food
* On a serious note, we need to remember that the world is full of cruel people who lie, cheat, and mislead innocent consumers. Think of the poor woman who didn't know that Crunchberries were not, in fact, a real fruit. Then, to rub salt into an open wound, the judge dismissed her case when she sued over false advertising of the magical berries.

I remember the day I learned. It was worse than learning about the tooth fairy. Thank goodness I still have the Easter Bun- Oh, no.

Going to read FREAKANGELS now. Spoilers below my signature for this week's entry. Huzzah for Warren Ellis!
- LV

SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEK'S FREAKANGELS BELOW. BE WARNED.

God DAMN, Warren Ellis and Paul Duffield, you are sick bastards. And Kirk. DAMMIT. He shot Luke in the DICK. That's rude. Can he fix that? I know he's a rapist, but DAMN. There is no coming back from that mentally. I am so glad to be a girl right now. Because holy SHIT. That was VIOLENT. Damn. Well, they certainly came back with a BANG. HAAHAHAHAHAHA... ehhhhh.... I need more coffee.

Read More »»

Drop Me In The Middle Of The Gobi Desert, Bury Me In A Goddamn Cave On The Moon, & My Mother Will Still Find A Way To Call Me & Ask For A Favor.

Blog
* It's a super-power that even SPIES can't fight, Michael. Title is from Burn Notice.


Movie!Fail
* I know you know this already, because it is the weirdest goddamn movie idea since Being John Malkovich, only it has NO CHANCE of being good. They're making a movie based on Viewmaster. For those of you who didn't grow up in the age of win, this is a Viewmaster:

[Found at io9]
You know who I feel bad for? The press guy for this movie. His life is just a misery. 'We're all... very excited.... about the new movie. It should... look amazing! Yes! It will have colors! SO MANY COLORS! And no action. We've moved beyond action! And actors! Actors are the past! ....I'm fired, aren't I?'

Depression Session
* We already have commercials on the TV about how gold is our only savior as the economy collapses (but it's not this week, so stop panicking and go shopping, for America), but what happens when even gold is useless? Well obviously you sell your children and become a Mad Max-style road warrior and join force with Jackie Earle Haley and the ghost of Hunter Thompson and Robert Downey, Jr. and start your own civilization. But when you have to trade with other, lesser societies, here are five things you can use for currency instead of boring old money.

Zombies
* Here is the red-band trailer for Zombieworld. And some footage. My coffee is NOT WORKING. I need a zombie apocalypse just to wake me up. Focus, LV, focus. So Zombieworld is going to be the greatest zombie movie since the other zombie movies I like, and Woody Harrelson will save us all with his country twang, although I hope he doesn't refer to anyone as his 'lover' because that skeeved me out in Natural Born Killers.Robert Downey, Jr. was in that movie. Played an Australian. Just saying. Why hasn't HE been in a zombie movie? Sherlock Holmes faces zombies? And before you laugh, how is this ANY more ridiculous than the Viewmaster movie? Exactly.

TeeVee
* Here is a spoiler-free review of the pilot episode of the remake V. It's being called wonderful and scary. I had no doubt it would be. You can't get two cast members from Firefly and NOT be made of win. It's a medical impossibility. Plus Alan 'Alpha Wash' Tudyk is a force of absolute good, even in movies that are barely permitted to exist. So yay, V! Fall TV is going to be awesome. Remind me to write a blog entry about all the shows I need to follow.

Journalism
* They want to ban linking on the internet, to save journalism. And by 'they,' I mean, 'journalists and people who fear change.'

Expanding copyright law to bar online access to copyrighted materials without the copyright holder's consent, or to bar linking to or paraphrasing copyrighted materials without the copyright holder's consent, might be necessary to keep free riding on content financed by online newspapers from so impairing the incentive to create costly news-gathering operations that news services like Reuters and the Associated Press would become the only professional, nongovernmental sources of news and opinion.

Let me make this very, very clear, as a journalism student, a writer, a human being, a coffee junkie, whatever: FUCK. THAT. As this article says, you cannot copyright SHIT THAT HAS HAPPENED. My dog just barked at the neighbors. DON'T WRITE ABOUT IT. THAT'S MINE. This is BULLSHIT, and breaks first amendment rights, and is also INSANE. Now I'm going to link more than ever. FOR FREEDOM. DON'T CENSOR ME.
I love newspapers and magazines, and I want them to survive. But if this is their big solution, shit don't look good.

Wow.
* This picture of Charlie brown really upsets me:

[Found at LikeCool]
It's very well done and all, but... GOD. Why are his features so tiny, and his hair looks like Nicolas Cage's hair, and this is why cartoon characters should NEVER be made to look realistic. Remember that Simpsons Halloween episode where Homer ended up in our world? That was alarming. Giant round yellow people are NOT welcome, unless they bring beer. Then I accept them.

Geek Want
* Speaking of Homer Simpson, I challenge anyone to not want this:

[Found at NerdApproved]
It's amazing. And why hasn't this existed before? But you don't really drink BEER from flasks, do you? And Homer is a beer man. My favorite glass is the one to the far left. It's the face of a man who has imbibed much alcohol, but has not yet crossed the line to where he lacks control over his bodily functions. Not that Homer generally has much authority over those.

Daily Hot Guy

[Edward Norton, who has not been around nearly enough since The Incredible Hulk, and who I miss terribly, because man can ROCK a suit]

Politics
* Look, you can say and think whatever you want. This is America. You have the right to your opinions, and are entitled to express them. But can I offer one suggestion? Maybe stop posting your opinions on Facebook. Not because you can't, or shouldn't. Do as you would. But it never ends well. You get people angry, you get fired, and this is not the economic time to be unemployed. Also, Facebook sucks. This woman said mean things about Obama, and then she got fired, which I think is illegal in and of itself, but WHY would you post anything on Facebook, EVER? I'm more amazed that after all the stories about people getting fired for incriminating posts/pictures on Facebook, anyone uses the damn thing anymore. I mean, REALLY. My Facebook entries are usually: 'I went to work. I love my job.'
So this is less about politics, and more about how anyone posting things on Facebook is probably going to lose everything they hold dear.
I will say this, though: You can think of a better name than 'O-Dumb-A,' can't you? I mean, I LIKE the guy, and I could think of better names. Not right now, but I'm only on cup two of coffee.

Awesome
* I'm sorry. I just.... I can't stop watching this:

What minstrels of the soul wrought so perfect a creation?

WTF, INTERNET?
* OK, REALLY:

[Found at Geekologie]
What is the POINT of this? It's not funny. Some people can rock a 'stache, but most people cannot. And no one who CAN rock a 'stache would EVER have one of these. You stick them on bottles and pretend to have a mustache for the time it takes to drink. WHAT? Then it gets all slimy and sticky from backwash, and I would NEVER love anyone who had one of these. WHY DO THEY EXIST? Here are real options: either GROW a mustache, or don't. But no one who wore one of these ever got laid. Only Jackie Earle Haley could combat this level of stupid. He would GROW a mustache. In under a MINUTE. And that mustache would bring about WORLD PEACE. Coffee just kicked in, huzzah!

Movie!Win

* Jason Statham has signed to play a “rather crude, un-pc, borderline sociopath of a cop” in a British production of the Ken Bruen novel “Blitz”.

As long as Jason Statham is snarky, and crude and British, I don't give a SHIT what the movie is about. I am shallow. Have you SEEN that trailer where he rips his shirt off and kills the dude with his shirt? I won't sit through the movie. But that trailer is AWESOME:

The shirt scene is at 1:33. Don't look at me like that. If Jackie Earle Haley or Robert Downey, Jr. did this, I'd be in a coma. A HAPPY coma.

Vampires
* Here's a Q&A about True Blood, which is infinitely better than Twilight because the vampires are crazy and evil AND they bite people and have sex and don't SPARKLE like sad little unwanted suncatchers, or cry because they can't bang their girlfriends, or BUCKLE THEIR SEATBELTS FOR THEM. I need to watch last weeks' episode. I keep saying that, but I haven't yet. I've been BUSY. BUT they're going to do the Eric/Sookie/Bill triangle from the books, which I haven't read, but the more Eric the better because DAMN he can corrupt me ANY TIME HE WANTS. Sorry. The coffee, it makes me loud.

Russell Brand
* This is Russell Brand and Tom Green. Don't ask, just accept. You see, Russell is so sexy and glorious that he can even make Tom Green timely and cool once again. That's serious powers. Incidentally, I was very happy that the rumor about Tom Green being seriously hurt was just bullshit. Remember the Bum song? I do. Oh, I do.

More later. In the meantime, get off your ass and go listen to World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. You don't LITERALLY have to get off your ass. You don't have to move at ALL. And it's funny. And if you listen and comment, and are VERY good, there may be another podcast, soon. Unless you liked Twilight. Then you get NOTHING.
- LV

Read More »»

Well At Least That Explains Why I Walked In On You Dancin' Around In That Laura Bush Mask Yesterday.

Blog
* Or DOES IT? Title is from True Blood.

Girly Shit
* This does not bode well. John Malkovich is making his own clothing line. First of all, Why? I mean, yes he wears clothes quite frequently, but otherwise John Malkovich isn't someone I'd associate with fashion. The man can wear a suit and all, but... really? Wait, this is his SECOND clothing line? And the new one is called Technobohemian? What is GOING ON? Someone send Cameron Diaz back into his head for further investigation. Because... I just don't get it. If my boyfriend was wearing anything by John Malkovich, I would pause. Also, why isn't he making something really weird? He's John goddamn Malkovich? He should be making filing cabinets with pictures of his thighs, for example. I don't know where that example came from.

Music
* Lady Gaga was in Maxim:

[Found at TheHollywoodGossip]
She looks great, and her tattoos are awesome, but I kind of wish she was wearing a muppet-themed outfit. Screw with their heads, Miss Gaga!

Technology
* It's a wee little counter that tells you how much your passengers should pay when you give them a ride in your car. This would be great as a subtle hint for my grandmother, who insists on me escorting her around in my car whenever she visits. 'Grandma, I love you and cherish our time together. But gas, grass, or ass, nobody rides for free. And I really don't want the last two from you. Look, I don't make the rules! It's technology:

[Found at DVICE]
Of course, it's in Japanese yen, and I have enough trouble remembering how much shit costs here, so I'd be lazy and just demand $1000 for a ten minute drive. Then the screaming would start.

Watchmen
* Naturally, I saw this thanks to Puina, who MADE it, which is even more mind-boggling than just FINDING it. HOW DOES SHE DO THESE THINGS?:

HOW she doesn't run her own country is a freaking mystery to me. Although then she'd have less time to kick ass on the internet, so I'm going to shut up now.

* World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. If you don't click that link and listen to the podcast, you HATE world peace. And that's just SICK.

Tattoo Of Win
* For those people who think I don't post things that upset/alarm/disgust me, I present this tattoo:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
I don't know you, but I think I hate you. Yes, I still like Green Day. Leave me alone. I'm very sleepy.

Food
* NASA invented some shitty Gatorade-type drink:

[Found at CrunchGear]
Now, someone at NASA fucked up meters versus feet, and destroyed a multi-million dollar space thing. I'm not drinking ANYTHING they're involved with. Also, I am not an elite athlete. I'm not even an athlete. Moving is highly overrated. I drink fluids because I'm thirsty, not because I ran five miles. Thirsty from watching Torchwood and crying, or True Blood and drooling. THOSE are my exercises. And yelling. Lots of yelling.

Daily Hot Guy

[Tom Felton, who plays Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter series. Dude GREW UP. DAMN.]

Words of Win

[Found at PassiveAggressiveNotes]

Books
* This is true:

see more Funny Graphs
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry and drink until I can't feel feelings, or my lungs.

Harry Potter
* So, I saw Twilight last night:

see more Lol Celebs
Yeah. It WAS that bad. Although Peter Facinelli is banging hot. And there was one sexy moment. BUT THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH. NOT ENOUGH AT ALL. I NEED TO SOAK MY BRAIN IN TEQUILA AND JACKIE EARLE HALEY'S ARMS. Sorry. I promised I wouldn't do this. I respect other people's taste and opinion. Even when they suck.

Star Trek

[Found at ONTD_StarTrek]
I love macros. And you KNOW this is canon. More here. Including Serenity ones!

Doctor Who
* Oh, look, someone who died on Doctor Who is COMING BACK AND FINE. Is THAT dishonoring the character, Russell T. Davies? IS THAT UNDERMINING THE GREAT DEATH SCENE? I'M NOT YELLING. NOT YELLING AT ALL. I'M NOT UPSET. WHY DON'T YOU KILL THE DOCTOR, AND WE CAN SPEND AN HOUR EACH WEEK STARING AT THE VAST EMPTINESS OF SPACE, YOU MEAN LITTLE MAN?

....I forgot what I was yelling about. If Ianto was in this, I would be dead from the happies. DEAD I SAYS. Give thanks to BossMew, who found a link that didn't require technological knowledge to share, and Larissa, who showed me the original. If they joined forces, they could destroy MOUNTAINS. But they wouldn't. That would be RUDE.

People I Love
* I would marry David Cross.

The Pre-Taped Call-in Show from Mr. Show - watch more funny videos

You would, too. POLYGAMY WIN!

Why does coffee not love me as I love it? I will drink it until I win its affections.
- LV

Read More »»

I Wanna Lick Your Mind!

Blog
* I know it's meant as a compliment, but... that can't be sanitary. Title is from True Blood, WHICH I MISSED THIS WEEK, and need to watch on HBO On Demand, because apparently there was a foppish 1920s vampire.

Tattoo Of Win
* This tattoo is so gross I don't want to post it on my blog. But I will post the link, because that way it's not MY responsibility if you click it. But really. This is NSFW. It is Not Safe For Anything. I just.... It skeeves me. But it's definitely a Win, because if I met someone with this tattoo I would never be able to look at them again.

Food
* Germany found cocaine in Red Bull. Trace amounts. Which completely explains my attitude during my senior year of college. I was writing a paper about Red Bull, so I thought it would be edgy and post-modern to write a paper on Red Bull while drinking nothing BUT Red Bull. Unfortunately this resulted in me crying for no reason, screaming at things that weren't there, shaking, and developing a twitch. I was a wreck. They have this little car with a giant Red Bull can on it, in New York, for promotional purposes? I tried to chase it down the street. Point is, it would be much less humiliating to have to say, 'I was secretly addicted to cocaine,' instead of, 'I drank too much sugar free Red Bull and my brain cells committed suicide.
And for those who say Red Bull isn't a food? It is when you're in college. It's AMBROSIA when you're in college. I'm so glad I switched to coffee.

Words Of Win

[Found at CoolHunting]

Hunter S. Thompson
* If you read one website, read this one, obviously.
If you listen to one podcast, listen to this one.
If you read one website about Hunter S. Thompson... still read mine. But this one, too, because it's got lots of goodies. Including a petition to get Fear and Loathing: On The Campaign Trail '72 into the Modern Library, because it's one of the greatest books ever written, and what this blog is named after (NOT Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, although I love that book as well). So go sign the petition, or the god of Journalism will rise from the dead and show you images of dogs fucking the pope until your eyes rupture. He does these things. Not my fault.

Books
* My word! Is that the smell of bullshit? Yes, yes it is! Ah, the robust odor of pretension, with... yes... just a smack of ignorance! This person took people's SAT scores from Facebook, and books they listed as their favorites, averaged them out, and determined which books smart people read vs. dumb people.

[Found at SociologicalImages]
Now, I could spend literally HOURS screaming about this. I'm tempted to. Only I have work and a life, and screaming for hours would be time-consuming, yes? So I'm going to point out the most unforgivable bits of bullshit:
- He's Just Not That Into You is smarter than Where The Red Fern Grows
- Angels and Demons is smarter than Lord of the Flies
- The Lovely Bones is smarter than A Tree Grows In Brooklyn (WHAT. THE. HELL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE EVER?)
- Not reading at all is smarter than Fahrenheit 451
- Life of Pi is smarter than The Catcher In The Rye
- The Da Vinci Code is smarter than Hamlet
Let's ignore the fact that arguing for which books make you 'smart' is ridiculous, as there is a drastic difference between reading a book in school and actually understand and enjoying it. I'm more horrified by the quality, and that your SAT scores determine your intelligence, and that generally speaking books I really find infuriating did so well on this, and that The Color Purple is apparently only the vestige of dumb people. That is MORONIC. Smart people can like stupid books, and awful, ignorant people can like good books. THIS IS NOT A VALID REPRESENTATION OF INTELLIGENCE. I hate this chart. It has ruined my morning. CHART FAIL. And HOW funny is it that not reading is considered 'smarter' than reading Fahrenheit 451? It's so funny! These are tears of laughter!

Harry Potter
* Here is an article on the homosexual undertones of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It had to be done. But Alan Rickman does NOT look like a New Wave lesbian in a CAPE, and shame on you for insulting him SO. I don't really agree overall, and to be honest I was more interested in saying things like, 'Where the hell is Neville in this movie?' and 'Damn, Draco became a MAN. He's legal now, yes?'

Daily Hot Guy

[Zack Snyder, director of Dawn of the Dead, 300, and Watchmen, secret lover of Blu-Ray (show us the Dark Mark, ZACK) and disproving the theory that directors are not hot]

Star Trek



* Star Trek/Office Space macros. You're welcome.

Doctor Who
* I am still mad at Russell T. Davies, but I love both David Tennant and John Barrowman, and do not blame them for the sins of TV shows they happen to be in, or the EMOTIONAL RETARDATION OF CHARACTERS WHO CANNOT ADMIT THEIR LOVE TO PEOPLE THEY WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN. I'm fine, I'm back, it's all good. Anyway, my friend Larissa, who chose the 'I will wreck this place with my anger' attitude instead of my 'Crying in the corner and naming everything in the house Ianto and drinking' attitude, because she's more mature than I am, sent me this clip:
DAMMIT. EPIC FAIL OF INTERNET. FINE, ONLY ME AND LARISSA GET TO SEE THE HOTNESS. HAHAHA.

I need to go to work now.
- LV

PS If you don't listen to World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley, the best podcast ever, I'll expose your horrible secret. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. Also, it's incredibly funny.

Read More »»

This Is A Pie Shop, Not An Herbal Crack Den.

Blog
* Who needs drugs when you have pie? Title is from Pushing Daisies.

Podcast
* If you read my blog, there's a good chance you like Watchmen, and Jackie Earle Haley, and ALL THINGS GLORIOUS. Ergo, you should listen to this podcast: World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. It's a podcast for the fans, by the fans. And it's insightful and hilarious. Puina is the mastermind behind it, and the gorgeous website that I would hug if it were a person. I've tried to hug it even though it's not a person, but listening is much better.

We've started off talking about Watchmen, because all things begin and end with Watchmen, but over time we'll be covering films from Jackie Earle Haley's career, and looking at new releases (including A Nightmare On Elm Street, Shutter Island, and Human Target)

The cast includes DanceswithElvis, eringoblah, serena_eliza, miss_bushido, youquit, and me. They are epic in their win, and I am so lucky to count myself among them on this podcast. These are intelligent and insightful fans who just happen to have a weak spot for sugar-chewing vigilantes and the actors who play them.

It's a lot of fun. Go take a listen. Then tell all your friends. If you don't have friends, FIND friends, solely to get them to listen to this podcast. It's that much fun. Because, really, who DOESN'T need more Jackie Earle Haley in their lives?



I think I've made my point.
- LV

Read More »»

There Is No Justice There Is Just Us

Blog
* Depending on how you look at it, that's really comforting or deeply, DEEPLY disturbing. Title is from Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett.

Movie!Win
* I was going to file the remake of Dorian Gray under Movie!Fail, because Oscar Wilde remakes have to legally include Rupert Everett before his face melted, and just on basic principle. Then I saw that Prince 'I Am So Sexy' Caspian from The Chronicles of Narnia was playing Dorian, and I stopped caring about things like plot or acting. Also it has Colin Firth. Mainly, though, sexy British dudes being scandalous and inappropriate. I am THERE:


Vampire
* This article, written by the wonderfully talented Dan Faust (who, when he takes over the world, has promised me an army of fedora-wearing monkeys) PROVES that modern vampires suck. They are supposed to be SCARY, not Angsty Teenage Pretties of Angsty Gloomy Angst. Even Angel occasionally went batshit and killed everyone, for fun.

Russell Brand
* Here is a video of Russell Brand talking about birds. They could live in his hair nest of sexy. Incidentally, Rorschach is alive and well and living in Alan Moore's beard. TRUE.

Sherlock Holmes
* So the new Sherlock Holmes movie will not be steampunk. Which is disappointing, as I love steampunk. But, as I just told my friend, 'So long as he boxes shirtless and is a rapscallion, I don't really care WHAT the movie is about. Like I said, I am SHALLOW.

Jackie Earle Haley
* It is hard for me to talk about the new Nightmare On Elm Street movie without being reduced to fangirl squees. This isn't helping:

[Found at Collider]
It's like porn for sick people. He's even got the Christmas sweater. AND A FEDORA. I'm fine. I'm fine. I also heard that Mr. Haley is all sorts of genius in the trailer for the movie. As if he could be otherwise. So yes. There is much excitement. Wow, I'm proud. I got through that fairly calmly. Success in our time!

Whedonverse
* So, this weekend, I was the last person on Earth to discover Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. I know, I am a mass of failure. I apologize for letting you all down so very much. BUT I LOVED IT. And Neil Patrick Harris is going to join the pantheon of Daily Hot Guys. And I think if Jackie Earle Haley had shown up as a villain, I'd be dead now from the happy. AND JOSS WHEDON SAYS THERE WILL BE A COMIC. Although the singing won't work as well. Unless it comes with a soundtrack. Or an audio book. All of which I'd buy.
There will also be a Shepherd Book comic, which I'm less excited about. I LIKED the mystery about him on Firefly. I LIKE that we never learned his past, because he was MYSTERIOUS. So I'm worried that whatever his back story is, it won't be as good as what's going on in my head. Also, Book is one of the characters that Proves My Theory. Just saying.

Daily Hot Guy

[Christopher Eccleston, who proved my theory that If I Love A Character, They Will Die Horribly, not once but TWICE: In Cracker and in Doctor Who (regeneration counts as dying if I CRY) Oh, OH and he ran away like an invisible weasel in Heroes, but that may have been due to Peter Petrelli's AWFUL hair]

Iron Man
* Click here for some pictures from Iron Man 2. Robert Downey Jr.'s facial hair is pornographic. And the ANGST. The angsty angst. But where is Sam Rockwell? Will he slither in and be all skeevy and delightful? Like Charlie's Angels, where he was my favorite part (except for Crispin 'I am frightening AND arousing' Glover, or Matchstick Men, which was the best movie you haven't seen (besides of course Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which featured - aha! - Robert Downey, Jr. SEE HOW CONNECTED EVERYTHING IS?) but at least Don Cheadle is there and looks good in a suit.

Animals
* I don't know what is worse: That this thing freaking exists and can be bought, for money. (It is RIDICULOUS AND STUPID. No hamster needs this. No ANIMAL needs this):

[Found at LikeCool]
Or that I really want to buy one in blue, and a hamster, and name it Ianto, and pamper it and smother it with love, until it inevitably dies, as hamsters are wont to do, and I will hold its little body and scream, 'NOOOOOOO!' up at the heavens, and my friends and family will back away slowly, and my therapy bills will be just ASTRONOMICAL. Who wants to go to the pet store?

Apocalypse How?
* Happy Monday, we're all going to die!
So this dude he had the hiccups, right? They're totally annoying. And he's 25 and a musician, so they're SUPER annoying. But instead of going away, they continued on and on. For two years. Constantly. And he had no idea why, but it probably ruined his social life, because after a while you don't want to be NEAR someone with hiccups. He tried everything, but they wouldn't go away. Then he finally said, 'Screw it, I'm off to the doctor to deal with these sodding hiccups,' So he went, and it turned out that it was good news bad news: Good news, we think we know why you have permanent hiccups. Bad news, it's a brain tumor. So hiccups, sleep, and soda can kill you, and we're all doomed forever, the end.

TwiHate
* This was sent to be my reader and personal guru GeohMetro. Ge Oh's a genius and has an ass-kicking blog, so it would be terribly rude of me not to post this. I take no pleasure in doing it:

BAHAHA- I mean, terrible. A poo joke? How inappropriate. And tasteless. Like everything Stephenie Meyers writes ZING.

OK, stuff now.
- LV

Read More »»

You're Miserable Edgy & Tired. You're In The Perfect Mood For Journalism.

Blog
* if that's true, I am the world's perfect journalist. Title is from Transmetropolitan.

Life
* Me and Bloody Marys are separating for while. Heartburn and sodium bloat have taken the first blush off the romance.

* Skype is equal parts awesome and wholly exasperating.

Doctor Who
* Here's an article on the new Companion, and some info and such. No, I am not going to be all excited. I am UPSET with Russell T. Davies. You are NOT Joss Whedon, and anyway, he only killed off THE WHOLE FREAKING CAST OF ANGEL when the show was CANCELLED, and I was STILL upset. What are you going to do next? Have the Doctor use up all his regenerations in one episode and ruin ANOTHER THING I LOVE? YOU ARE NOT A NICE NICE, Mr. Davies.

People I Love
* I DO, however, love James Franco. Not only was he part of the epic that was Freaks and Geeks (and no, nobody DIED per se, but it was CANCELLED), he was the best part of the Spider-Man movies, he was hot in Milk, Pineapple Express rocked, and in general I like him. So when they didn't want him to speak at the UCLA commencement, I was sad. Then I was delighted when the only person they could get instead was the guitarist from Linkin Park. That's KARMA, BABY. Stings, doesn't it? So here's the speech he WOULD have given, and I think we can all agree that it would have made the world a better place. I know I feel pure and enlightened now.

James Franco's Rejected UCLA Commencement Speech from James Franco

Movie!Fail
* Someone needs to have words with Robert Zemeckis. They don't all have to be mean words, but some of them will have to be quite strong. Polar Express was a scary, ugly movie, and Tom Hanks is NOT Santa Claus, no matter what he imagines when he's alone. Beowulf was kind of awesome, even if it was weird, and mainly because if I ever become an evil monster demon chick, I want to be all gold and shiny like Angelina Jolie. Also naked animated heinies are always funny.

But enough of this animation shit. Because A Christmas Carol looks like the animated, even worse version of Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events, which is also too bad because I thought that film had potential. But Jim Carrey looks majorly creepy, and I don't want to see this, and also after A Muppet's Christmas Carol, do we really NEED another version? I'm not being sarcastic. Michael Caine was the motherfucking MAN as Ebeneezer Scrooge, and Tiny Tim was a hurt little frog, and I CRIED. Go watch it. Not this.

Here's the Italian poster. I don't know why it's in Italian. I wasn't at that meeting. TELL ME it doesn't look like Lemony Snicket. You can't, CAN YOU?

Depression Session
* I should rename this category. Because, really, I'm just being negative, aren't I? I'm totally overreacting. Because really it's totally OK that millions of people can't afford to feed their kids, as long as we all understand that this is a cultural CLEANSING. It's like a giant cultural ENEMA. Of bad culture. We'll all stop being fat and lazy and like American Idol and Gray's Anatomy, and go to the opera more regularly.
This is all bullshit, of course. As this article says, although it's inclined to be more forgiving. Personally I have an ENORMOUS issue with anyone who is willing to ignore human suffering for some vague cultural notion. SHIT, THE DUDE IS ADRIAN VEIDT. GET OUT OF THE MAJOR CITIES. HIDE YOUR BOYS FOLDER.

Daily Hot Guy

[David Beckham. He's a pretty boring DHG, but I forgive me for my lack of originality, because HOLY SHIT LOOK AT HIM. My eyes don't know where to START. Besides, I don't here any complaining. He and Jackie Earle Haley should do an underwear ad. Yeah, I said it. And it's GENIUS.

Jersey!Fail
* I wasn't going to mention this, because it is so freaking ridiculous. But I've gotten Emails, and it IS news, so I need to say something, yeah? Basically everyone in the northern part of my state was arrested on Thursday. For trafficking human body parts. Which were then served as barbecue to tourists heading to the Jersey Shore. I'm kidding about that last bit. Obviously we don't eat barbecue at the shore. But the human organs bit is true. And maybe someone ate them. YOU DON'T KNOW. In conclusion, my state can be pretty hilarious at times. I hope when they make the inevitable made for TV movie, they use the song 'Dead or Alive' by Bon Jovi. That would make me proud.

TeeVee
* The State is out on DVD. If you don't know this, you are a bad person, and can ONLY redeem yourself by buying it/renting it/sacrificing a younger sibling to the TeeVee gods. Also this is a valuable historical document as proof that, once upon a time, MTV showed things that didn't destroy your very will to live. The State is one of the best sketch shows ever, up there with Monty Python and A Bit of Fry and Laurie. Disagree? Go get a copy, and try not to love it. Give it your best shot. It's that good.

Journalism
* This is old, and at this point I'm hesitant to post anything related to Michael Jackson, because I feel like maybe the world needs a little break from stalking his corpse, just for a week or two, but it's weird enough that I want to post it. First off, I do not like Rush Limbaugh. I just don't. I don't think he speaks for the Republican party, I worry he undermines the people on the right who AREN'T awful and always screaming, and I seriously worry that he's going to eat Michael Steele, who doesn't deserve that. Also I think nearly everything he says is factually incorrect and not sane. These are just my opinions on him. I'm sitting here in my pajamas, so there's my credibility. But even if you like him, or don't dislike him as much as I do you do have to admit that this is sort of a weird parallel to draw between Michael Jackson and whoever was President at the time:

Is it just me, or is that weird? I just.... I don't understand. Wouldn't he have done BETTER under Bush? Green Day released one of their best albums under him. What about Jimmy Carter? Why is he ignored? And, I mean, Dylan just released a gorgeous album, and Obama is currently president, so.... Does this only apply to Michael Jackson? Why would he be linked to the presidents? Is it all an allegory? Because it's not a very good one. And it's much more fun to take it literally. Reagan WAS nice to Michael Jackson, wasn't he? I would give good money to have sat in on one of their conversations. I imagine it was not of this world.

Wow
* This is a slow-motion image of a bubble bursting:

[Found at UniqueDaily]
Imagine, this must be how Zack Snyder sees the world ALL THE TIME.

Geek Want
* These are crayon rings:

[Found at Neatorama]
Things I would do with them:
- Wear them to a party where someone I hated was wearing white, then casually draw a brown line down their back.
- Use them as a brass knuckle that would MARK my attacker.
- Quickly touch up my eyeshadow while on the run.
- Sign my name on very important contracts.
- Become a modern artist.

Politics
* I am fairly indifferent to Rudy Giuliani when he is not running for the Presidential nomination, because he reminds me of the titular character in Leprechaun, and also he married his cousin, which is TRUE. LOOK IT UP. But generally speaking, he's fine. He doesn't make me insane with anger, nor do I love him. He can exist, if he must. Here he is talking about health care.

This is more entertaining because of what Wonkette said about him. They really hate him there, apparently. But remember: James Woods played him in a made-for-TV movie, so he can't be ALL BAD. I like James Woods. Remember that episode of Family Guy where he and Peter Griffin switched identities? Good times.

Awesome
* A reader found this shirt, for our club of Anger:

You can apply to join, but our requirements are quite stringent, and the club fees are not cheap. You get special consideration if you didn't get to go to Comic-Con.

Probably not more later, because I have stuff to do today. I AM BUSY. And NOT at Comic-Con. If you went, and have pictures or stories, Email them to me at elle.veev@gmail.com I will post them, and cry bitter tears of jealousy. It will be grand.
- LV

Read More »»

That's Good. You Just Lie There & Be Ironical.

Blog
You know what, Mal, I WILL. I AM HAVING A ROUGH WEEKEND. ALREADY. AND YOU AND YOUR TV SHOW AND MOVIE ARE PIECES OF THE SADNESS PUZZLE. Title is from Firefly.

Animals
* The Taco Bell Chihuahua died, and CNN just made FUN of it, which is kind of obnoxious. I mean, I know it's a dog. But a dog dying is almost as sad as certain CHARACTERS I LOVE DYING HORRIBLY FOR NO REASON. Ahem. Sorry. It was a rough night. Anyway, CNN is made of fail, and this Chihuahua (I cannot spell that) scared off a cougar, because it tried to eat its friend. You wouldn't do that, would you? You'd climb up a tree and watch your friend get eaten, wouldn't you? Everyone is very disappointed. You've shamed us all.

Daily Hot Guy

[Ianto Jones in a sweatshirt. Ignore the dead chicken thing. He's played by Gareth David-Lloyd. I didn't say ANYTHING. No spoilers here. Nope. KEEP MOVING. I'm crying because New Jersey smells bad.]

Apocalypse How?
* I'm not saying the plane itself will kill anyone:

[Found at UniqueDaily]
But people are sensitive and paranoid. You see this thing shoot by, you think, 'Oh shit, the DALEKS ARE HERE!' You run into your apartment, seal up all the windows and doors, break out your AK-47 and the beans and bottled water, and wait. And wait. And after a few days or weeks or months depending on your credit card bills, someone comes looking for you. And by then you have some nutritional deficiencies from only eating canned food and using a bucket instead of the bathroom, you hear the door being opened and think it's the zombies, FINALLY, and you shoot everyone and run through the streets like an ass. So no planes near homes, OK?

TwiHate
* Dear Twilight: STOP IT. You already have books and movies. I accept that, with bad grace, but I accept it. But now you're going to be a comic? NO. JUST NO. STOP ENCROACHING ON MY TERRITORY? WHAT'S NEXT? YOU GOING TO HAVE ALAN MOORE WRITE IT? WILL NEIL GAIMAN DO A GUEST STORY? STOP BREATHING MY AIR. (I know they're vampires and they don't breathe, SHUT UP.)
The point is, I AM VERY FRAGILE TODAY. AND YOU ARE MAKING ME EVEN MORE UNHAPPY. WHY? I DO NOT NEED TO GO INTO A COMIC SHOP AND HAVE STUPID TEENAGE GIRLS SIGHING OVER EDWARD 'I'M A CREEPY SPARKLY STALKER' CULLEN. I hate that I know his name. I HATE that I am using brain cells to store that knowledge. And while usually I subscribe to the philosophy that as long as people are reading, it doesn't matter what they're reading, in this case, NO. My imaginary children are not allowed to read Twilight. They can read Watchmen at TEN, but there is NO WAY they are going to grow up thinking it's OK to treat women like delicate objects of ownership, and be suckish and made of FAIL.
Twilight comics. I may have to start drinking before noon.

Girly Shit
* If you get me these shoes, I will stop being sad and depressed and hostile.

For ten minutes. More if you also let me get that manicure, and the complete Torchwood DVD series (except Children of the Earth, WHICH NEVER HAPPENED), and Dollhouse on DVD, and Gargoyles on DVD, and more of that awesome Bloody Mary Mix, and Jackie Earle Haley. And Alan Rickman, and Russell Brand. And Gareth David-Lloyd, who if I ever meet I am going to hug and refuse to let go of until the police come with cattle prods. I'm kidding, please don't arrest me.

Music

The Talking Heads are the only thing that might cheer me up today.
ALSO, I got the NIN tickets. But the people I wanted to go with can't go on the day I got tickets for, so now I have to go alone, and I am stuck with the bill for all three tickets, WHICH I CANNOT AFFORD. So, Universe - Infinity. LV - 0.

Technology
* Do not let me near India's hot chili grenades. I will use them on ANYONE who makes me MILDLY cross. Including on my mother, who just asked me if the word 'welcome' had a 'D' on the end. I threatened to stick my head in the sink. SPELLING IS IMPORTANT, PEOPLE. That's why the country is in TATTERS. TATTERS, I SAY.
What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. India is working on hot chili grenades. Which would be non-lethal, but extremely painful, so I couldn't get arrested for MURDER, now, could I? 'It was an accident, officer, he tripped and fell into the grenade. Did I say grenade? I meant Great-Nade! They're fun! LOOK OVER THERE IT'S A PONY.' Then I run away.
Not that I would ever harm another person, even if the world is a cruel and sadistic place that gets off on making me upset and angry. I would just threaten them, yell a lot, then go have a good sulk. That's much more realistic. Plus I'm 5'0", and as well all know the only short dude with the power to terrify is Jackie Earle Haley, and he's at Comic-Con now, WITHOUT ME.

Watchmen
* This makes me very happy.

Very, very happy. I am taking joy from wherever I can get it. Like here:

ARCHIE ARCHIE ARCHIE. Leave me alone.

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at LOLTATZ]

Food
* These would also make me happy:

[Found at WomansDay]
They are macaroni and cheese nuggets. I would eat buckets of these, while drinking super-spicy bloody marys, and watching seasons 1 and 2 of Torchwood, taking a break between discs to view Watchmen, and then I would not feel so shitty and put upon by life. CAN SOMEONE MAKE THIS HAPPEN? Oh, and there are many more macaroni and cheese things here, including one with lobster, which I would eat the SHIT out of. That sounds disgusting.

Moment Of Win
* HOLY SHIT SHOOT IT IN THE HEAD:

see more Fail Blog
I know it's not a zombie, but the bitch has six fingers and a creepy smile. AIRTIGHT LOGIC.

Hunter S. Thompson
* Click this link to see John Cusack talking about why Hunter S. Thompson was so much win.
* And here's a video of the man himself.

If my unborn imaginary child is very lucky, his name will be Hunter Walter Ianto, instead of Walter Ianto Hunter, or Ianto Hunter Walter, or Rory. Although Rory is the least traumatizing name choice. 'Stop crying! You are named after heroes and warriors and makers of coffee and princes of badassery! If you the other kids tease you, BITE OFF THEIR CHEEKS.'

Books
* I didn't make this, but it's on the internet and in GRAPH FORM, so it must be true:

see more Funny Graphs
Also vampires coated in booty dust are by definition made of fail. DEAL WITH IT.

Harry Potter
* Oh, LOOK! It's yet ANOTHER fandom that reduced me to a sobbing pile of misery and TEARS. How are you? Good? Ruin anyone else's day? Well, it's still early. Yes, I am going to make a LIST of fandoms that destroyed my brain and made me the way I am today, and I will PROVE MY THEORY that if I love a character, they end up NOT ALIVE. WHY MUST I BE CURSED SO? I mean, lots of people like Ozymandias. LOTS OF THEM. And his hair is FIERCE. WHY DID I NOT LOVE HIM?! HUH?!
Sorry, sorry, I'm OK now. Obviously I have some geek!rage to deal with. Here are some amazing bits of trivia on the movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It's interesting and fun, and David Thewlis (Lupin) has a baby with Anna Friel (Chuck from Pushing Daisies), which inexplicably pleases me. Maybe because one day ALL my fandoms will be connected.
BUT: Harry's eyes do not look green in the movies. ANY of them. They look BLUE. NOT GREEN. So I don't get this bullshit about him wearing green contacts, when I have had MANY conversations about blue-eyed FAIL. Or maybe my TVs just have fucked up color issues.

Star Trek
* The only DVDs I've bought recently are Watchmen-related. I am sort of over DVD-buying, especially since I tried to sell some for monies, and I sold my Ingmar Bergman Criterion Collection (IT HAD THREE MOVIES) for twelve bucks. But I may compromise (sorry, Rorschach) and buy the Star Trek DVD, because J.J. Abrams is totally going to endorse my geekery by showing me around the Enterprise (AND HAHAHAHA, it's ANOTHER fandom where my favorite character died. Wait, why am I laughing about that? OMFG, and Next Generation, TOO. I AM RIGHT ABOUT THE CURSE. Who wants an exorcism?)

Most likely I will post again, because it is fun to be passive aggressive and shitty on the internet. Admit it, it totally is.
- LV

Read More »»

Who Is This Man? You Know This Man? Is This A Porn Man?

Blog
* They prefer to be called, 'adult video artists.' Title is from Dollhouse.

Life
* Podcasting (is that a verb?) is AWESOME. More on this later.

Freakangels Friday
* It's a Skip Week, because everyone in the history of awesome is at San Diego Comic-Con, and as I keep saying, if you are awesome and NOT at San Diego Comic-Con, you will cause the world to collapse in on itself, so if I were you I'd get my ass over there. Warren Ellis, I thought you didn't GO to conventions?

TeeVee
* Here are reviews of two shows I am intensely excited for, and already a big fangirl of: Human Target, starring Jackie Earle Haley as High Priest of Win WITH A MUSTACHE, and Emerson from Pushing Daisies. Beyond that, I don't care. Oh, and V, which has got Zoe AND Wash from Firefly. I will watch these shows no matter what. If they make you go blind and DIE - OK, then maybe not. But Jackie Earle Haley and Alan Tudyk would NEVER harm me so. Also, further proof that everything good and wise happens at the San Diego Comic-Con, and nothing good EVER happens in New Jersey, except Bruce Springsteen and Patti Smith, and even SHE was born in Detroit, the end.

Journalism
* Hold up. Wait a second. WHAT? According to this incredibly snarky and hostile article, bloggers are immoral bastards for pimping for their secret sponsors. Yes, some of them do that, and it's bullshit unless you let people know what you're doing, but aside from that, WHY DO I NOT HAVE A SECRET SPONSOR? I mean, HELLO. Zack Snyder and Warner Bros. should have paid me for all the crazy press I gave Watchmen. This is UNFAIR! I AM WILLING TO SELL MY SKILLS AND WARES. I HAVE NO PROBLEM COMPROMISING MY VALUES. I'm broke, I live in my parent's house, times are TOUGH. Where are these corporate sponsors?! It's because I post filthy entries, isn't it?

Wow
* I just... OK:

[Found at FrigginRandom]
I... I have no idea how to respond to this.... the cereal. It's judging me. It's screaming for help! Oh god, someone get me some foie gras. At least that doesn't STARE at me while I chow down.

Geek Want
* I wanted the cigarette mug:

[Found at LikeCool]
Until I realized that cigarette ash is not a delicious addition to coffee. So moving on.

Politics
* All hail the High Nerd President:

I forgive him all the political failings. Also I appreciate him not hurling on other political figures.

* George W. Bush grew a pair in the last weeks of the presidency, and told Dick Cheney where to stuff it. Dick Cheney responded by jumping out from behind figures and yelling at Bush for not pardoning his BFF Scooter Libby. And Bush just sighed and kept his head down and got the hell out of dodge, and now when he sees Dick screaming on TV about how the terrorists hate Obama, he chuckles and thanks any god that's listening that he no longer has that living corpse to cart around with its own personal storm-cloud of crap.

* Brave, brave, brave Mark Sandford. When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. And by danger, of course I mean a scandalous but ultimately boring affair. Mark Sandford has only shown up for work 15 of the last 25 working days. That is... problematic, to say the least. South Carolina needs an official who's actually, you know, THERE, and on the same continent, and working to help the people who live there. I'm just saying. At least most politicians PRETEND to give a shit about their states. In public.

Awesome
* No, I do not have a coffee addiction, just a deep profound love and understanding DON'T TOUCH IT. Anyway, reader and finder of coolness WingsofPhantasy9 found this wonderful/depressing list of stuff kids will not remember someday, because they are stupid and awful. OK, that last bit may be my own bitter interpretation, but kids today! Pull up your pants! Here are my favorites, and the ones that I remember the best from Ye Olden Times (I'm 23)
Inserting a VHS tape into a VCR to watch a movie or to record something. Man, I miss VHS so badly. I still have my old recordings of George Carlin specials. And when I worked at the video store, we played SOCCER with the VHS. You can't do that with DVDs. Believe me. We tried.
Playing music on an audio tape using a personal stereo.
Vinyl records. Even today’s DJs are going laptop or CD. I still have my vinyls of Bruce Springsteen and INXS.
Laserdisc: the LP of DVD.
Scanning the radio dial and hearing static between stations. Or better yet, hearing a snip of one of your favorite songs through the static and turning the volume as high as it would go, in a desperate attempt to hear said song.
3-D movies meaning red-and-green glasses.
Watching TV when the networks say you should. Tivo and Sky+ are slowing killing this one.
That there was a time before ‘reality TV.’ And the idea made people laugh.
The scream of a modem connecting. And the soul-crushing moment when the connection was dropped.
5- and 3-inch floppies, Zip Discs and countless other forms of data storage. I LIKED floppies. They were hard to break.
DOS. What HAPPENED to DOS?
Blowing the dust out of a NES cartridge in the hopes that it’ll load this time. I still try this with more modern games, only I blow into the console itself. My little brother thinks I'm insane. I miss NES>
Joysticks. DUCK HUNTER.
Finding out information from an encyclopedia.
Using a road atlas to get from A to B. Although in my case I still ended up hopelessly lost.
Doing bank business only when the bank is open.
Shopping only during the day, Monday to Saturday.
Phone books and Yellow Pages.
Newspapers and magazines made from dead trees.
Filling out an order form by hand, putting it in an envelope and posting it.
Not knowing exactly what all of your friends are doing and thinking at every moment.
Carrying on a correspondence with real letters, especially the handwritten kind. I miss letters. And handwriting skills.
Gopher searches. Holy crap, I haven't thought of these in YEARS.
Privacy. I'm watching you.
The fact that words generally don’t have num8er5 in them.
Correct spelling of phrases, rather than TLAs.
Waiting several minutes (or even hours!) to download something.
Typewriters. Fuck that. I use one at work every day, and typewriters will once again rise and reclaim the world! ATTICA.
Putting film in your camera: 35mm may have some life still, but what about APS or disk?
Sending that film away to be processed.
Having physical prints of photographs come back to you.
Getting lost. With GPS coming to more and more phones, your location is only a click away. Trust me, I will still manage to get lost. Don't underestimate my powers.
Rotary-dial telephones. We have one in my house.
Answering machines.
Using a stick to point at information on a wallchart
Pay phones.
Phones with actual bells in them.
Fax machines.
Vacuum cleaners with bags in them. And sometimes the bags would explode.
Taking turns picking a radio station, or selecting a tape, for everyone to listen to during a long drive. Talking Heads? What? NO we are NOT playing Chumbawumba again
Remembering someone’s phone number. I can't remember the number of anyone from the past five years, but still remember every one of my friends' numbers from middle school
Not knowing who was calling you on the phone.
Actually going down to a Blockbuster store to rent a movie. I still do this sometimes.
LEGO just being square blocks of various sizes, with the odd wheel, window or door. And PlayMobile!
Waiting for the television-network premiere to watch a movie after its run at the theater. Especially for Free Willy!
Neat handwriting. Nope, never had it.
Starbuck being a man. And a fictional character.
Han shoots first. He does, you ignorant BASTARDS.
“Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.” But they’ve already seen episode III, so it’s no big surprise.
Kentucky Fried Chicken, as opposed to KFC. And Boston Chicken. I was PISSED at the name change, although the reason new escapes me.
Finding books in a card catalog at the library.
Swimming pools with diving boards. If you hit your head on the bottom, you drowned or WALKED IT OFF.
Hershey bars in silver wrappers. Mmmmmm.
Roller skates, as opposed to blades.
Spending your entire allowance at the arcade in the mall.
A physical dictionary — either for spelling or definitions.
When a ‘geek’ and a ‘nerd’ were one and the same.

Man, I miss the past. Times were simpler, the snow was whiter, and other stuff, etc.

Daily Hot Guy

[Ianto Jones from Torchwood. I don't remember how to spell the actors' last name, but I am NOT looking it up again, because last time I did I ACCIDENTALLY read Epic Spoilerz, which I have since forgotten, and I missed last nights' episode of Children of the Earth for a good cause, so I will watch it TONIGHT because I figured out the DVR, finally, AND the final episode, which airs tonight, and all of your giving significant glances about my favorite character are making me very, VERY nervous, although if what I think happens happens, my theory on If I Love A Character Horrible Things Will Happen To Them will pretty much be airtight, and I will make a LIST and CRY. Oh, and according to my tags, the adorable actor here, who looks damn fine in a suit, is Gareth David-Lloyd.]

WTF, INTERNET?
* Remember when I had this category every day? Good times. I miss them. I also miss Rocko's Modern Life and the original Land Before Time. Anyway, this is a USB camera-headband that's waterproof:

[Found at DVICE]
The ad is all, 'use it to study nature and go on bike rides!' but don't trust them. This is really to be a complete superfreak perv and videotape people at pools and shit. Why else would it be waterproof, hmm? Look, privacy is a thing of the past. I can find information on almost anyone in a few minutes, and I nearly blew up Skype last night. We need to accept this and stop letting our drunk friends convince us it would be super-funny to post naked pictures of Facebook. And these little cameras will not help. I see anyone swimming around with their head in the water, I'm kicking them. 'I'm sorry, officer, I thought he was videotaping people's unmentionables. I was protecting my lady parts.' Then I will not go to jail, because airtight logic. Although if you and your partner want to use it in the shower, that's fine, I guess. As long as I don't have to know about it, I don't really care. And everyone is a consenting adult, and you stay the HELL out of the community pool with your pervy little video camera.

Movie!Win
* I didn't see Wolverine: Origins because I was told by several reliable sources that even Hugh Jackman and his Arms of Powerful Lust could not stop the eyescabs of agony that this film caused. But from what I've heard, Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool was pretty much the only part that didn't cause ritual suicide. So I'm filing the Deadpool movie under Movie!Win for the following reasons:
- Ryan Reynolds is hot.

- Ryan Reynolds was the best part of Blade: Trinity (not JUST the part where he was chained shirtless to the floor. Although that part was pretty great.
- Ryan Reynolds is a big enough fan to know that Deadpool often breaks the fourth wall (something I enjoy, because it's post-modern, and I was a liberal arts student), and insist that he does that in the movie. Which could be terrible, I admit. But it's Friday, and I'm feeling generous. Also, lest we forget, Ryan Reynolds is hot:

What? You KNOW you would have just Googled it, anyway.

Dear Torchwood: Do not kill my soul. I am fragile.
- LV

Read More »»