Here Lies Edmund Blackadder, & He's Bloody Annoyed!

Blog
* But Baldrick has a cunning plan! Title is, predictably, from Blackadder.

* Behold, the sickening talent of Michelle:

Angel of Death Number 2 by ~DanceswithElvis on deviantART
She also does unbelievable fanart for Watchmen, which is my personal favorite category (what? I love me some Rorschach)

Shhhhh.... by ~DanceswithElvis on deviantART
See, if I was this talented I would only draw for myself, and never share my work with anyone. But Michelle does, because she's a much better person than me. AND she's accepting commissions, and if I had money I would totally ask for some insane, epic fanart that would shame her as she drew it, and she'd never tell anyone about it because it would be so nuts, the end.
So, in conclusion, order some work for her, and make the world a little more artistic.

Daily Buy
* I think Patience showed me this, but I feel like this has always been a part of me, I WANT ONE SO BADLY:

[Found at Squishable]
SHARKY SHARKY SHARKY. DO WANT. PLEASE BUY THIS FOR ME. It is huge and huggable and snuggly. I'm just sad they don't have goats. I want a goat. ANYWAY, these will delight the children in your lives, or the totally bad-ass adults who enjoy snuggling ginormous balls of LOVE.

Holiday!Fail
* I try not to comment on other countries, because that would be rude and presumptuous, and anyway I have my hands full commenting on my own country (mostly bits stolen shamelessly from The Daily Show, but I digress), but really, Austria, we need to talk:

An Austrian group has called for a ban on Father Christmas amid fears that the foreign invader is usurping the role of the traditional Christkind sprite.

So now we're banning Santa Claus. Because he's a foreign invader.
Look, Santa Claus is one of the most innocuous figures in the world. He brings presents and his stomach shakes like a bowl full of jelly. I'm decidedly unaffiliated with any religion, and I like Santa. Dude brings you presents. That's awesome.
Also, their solution to have a little blonde baby bring the presents instead
A) Doesn't help their argument against Santa's commercialism, and
B) Offers up the terrifying vision of a tiny baby dragging itself and several large presents across the floor of your jome in the dead of night,

Crafts
* So, I think we can all agree that Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the greatest TV show ever that makes fun of bad movies.

Now imagine your WHOLE LIFE as narrated by Crow T. Robot, Tom Serve, and Joel (WHAT? Joel was my favorite. No offense, Mike, I love you as well, but Joel was the original, OK?).

BEHOLD:

[Found at Gizmodo]
ZOMG. And you make them, and maybe I will make them for someone as a holiday present, then keep it for myself, because the world would be a better place with more MST3K.

Russell Brand
* On one hand, I don't care who Russell Brand dates, because I don't know him, it doesn't alter my life on ANY level, and caring would be sort of insane.

On the other hand, I really dislike Katy Perry and her twee-ness, and his APPROVAL of said twee makes me sad, because his autobiography was extremely wonderful, and I think he's fantastic. Plus there hasn't been much going on in the world of Mr. Brand that doesn't involve Ms. Twee, and this isn't a damn gossip site, so I'm not going to be going, 'THIS JUST IN. RUSSELL BRAND AND KATY PERRY WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE AND BOUGHT ARTICHOKES, MORE AT ELEVEN.'

But this picture needs to be shared:


This is the caption:

I must make this writing sexy. If taken from the front you’d see the unusual appendage I use for typing.

Russell Brand, minus a shirt, plus a computer. FEAR AND LOATHING missed you, Mr. Brand. And I still think that if you date Lady Gaga, the age of Aquarius will be upon us.

Iron Man
* I know you've seen this poster, but you need to see it again, because Iron Man is epic win:

[Found at io9]
And this poster focuses on what MATTERS in Iron Man: Robert Downey, Jr. in ARMOR. TEAM RDJ.

Daily Hot Guy

[Chris O'Dowd, AKA Roy from The IT Crowd, who is IRISH, as if he needs any more help being sexy as hell. There needs to be more IT Crowd. Even though I prefer Moss. Megan can have Roy, I'll have Moss, and all will be well in the world.
]

Inglourious Basterds
* Do not question Quentin Tarantino. He works in mysterious ways. If he says the next volume of Kill Bill will not be for a while, then we, his loyal fans, must respect his wisdom. Oh, and it's not going to be called Kill Bill. Which makes sense.

Art
* Expressionist painting of Donkey Kong?

[Found at Neatorama]
Sure. Why not? It's Saturday.

Tattoo Of Win
* I can't decide if I'm being sarcastic or not, because, DUDE, it's Chop Top:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
But he sort of looks like John Leguizamo. That's freaking me out.

Food!Win
* This is indeed a technicolor nightmare:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
But imagine you are
A) Reeling from a horrific breakup
B) Drunk
C) Have five minutes left to live
D) Have ingested chemicals of questionable legality
E) Some hideous combination of the above,
then this meal of an Orange soda strawberry ice cream float topped with Skittles is probably the most delicious thing ever.

I'd like one. Right now. And I have none of the above excuses. It just looks pretty and sugary.

Girly!Shit
* This looks like the shoe of a dominatrix elf of doom:

[Found at Shoe Lust]

OK, busy busy busy.
- LV

Read More »»

So This Guy Comes In, Stops The Plot Cold, & Leaves.

Blog
* Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000, Greatest Show Ever.

* This blog is one you need to check out: The Rock 'n Roll Cook. Rock stars. Telling you how to make their favorite foods, and the insane stories around them. This is brilliant. WHY has no one thought of this before?

Did you know the drummer from Black Sabbath is a vegan? Yes, Bill Ward is one of the only cool vegans alive. He gives you the recipe for his enchilada pie. If you eat it while listening to old-school Black Sabbath, you are imbued with the power of a thousand rock gods.

There are also interviews and recipes featuring Joss Stone, producer Ethan Johns (the man behind Kings of Leon, Ray LaMontagne, Paolo Nutini, Ryan Adams, Rufus Wainwright, Emmylou Harris, The Jayhawks and Crowded House), among others.

The touring drummer for Nine Inch Nails like Frito Chili Pie. I think we made that back in college. For roommates that wouldn't clean the bathroom. It was delicious, but there was a good chance it would kill you. I miss college.

FREAKANGELS FRIDAY
* Yes, it is that glorious day of the week again, wherein Warren Ellis emerges from his technological fortress and gifts us with the sweat from his brilliant brow. After all those weeks of skips, which led to me bemoaning the fate of humanity, we have CONSISTENCY. AND GLOWING EYES. Maybe Karl will explode someone, and I will delight in it.

I need more coffee. Spoilers beneath my signature at the bottom of the entry.

Daily Buy
* This would be a great gift for a kid. It's one of those plant-kits where you learn about nature. But you know what makes this one special? DINOSAURS:

As these bean plants sprout, different dinos appear on the pods that emerge - a truly enchanting way to introduce children to the wonders of the natural world.

[Found at What On Earth]
This would be the best gift. For a child. Yes. Not for an adult. We are ABOVE such silly things. We don't want plants.... with dinosaurs.... RAPTORS.... What?

Holiday!Fail
* The following conversation is true. It was not exaggerated in any way.
Mom: What is that?
Me: It's an ornament.
Mom: Is it Winston Churchill?
Me: What?
Mom: It's Churchill, right?
Me: It's an ORNAMENT.
Mom: You said that. But it's Winston Churchill.
Me: WHY would anyone want Winston Churchill hanging from their tree?
Mom: I don't know. Your blog has all sorts of weird crap. Winston Churchill ornaments would be pretty boring, comparably.
Me: It's a baby:

[Found at Regretsy]
Mom: Why would anyone want an ornament of a screaming baby Winston Churchill?
Me: It's ISN'T- I don't know, Mom. I really don't anymore.

Books
* I love Michael Chabon. Wonder Boys is a fantastic book. So is The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. And Gentlemen of the Road. Here, he talks about his new book. I'm sorry, I have no snark. I want Michael Chabon's career. AND he likes Doctor Who.

Nostalgia!Win
* Have we talked about my Mortal Kombat love? I loved the games (but none compared to Trilogy), I loved the movies (SHUT UP I WAS YOUNG AND FOOLISH), and the soundtrack is still damn good music to work out too. I miss Mortal Kombat, while at the same time hoping fervently that they NEVER remake the movies, because the ORIGINAL movies were terrible.

What were we talking about? Oh, right, Mortal Kombat, greatest game EVER. And this made me miss it even more:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

SUB-ZERO FTW.

Daily Hot Guy

[Sam Trammell, who plays Sam on True Blood. Sam used to be my favorite. No longer, but he's still in the top three. I miss True Blood. When does it come back on?

Doctor Who
* I kind of want to watch every Doctor Who episode ever, all over again, for no good reason other than Doctor Who is EPIC LIFE-GIVING WIN.
Anyway, they've announced the dates for The End of Time. I need a hug. From David Tennant. Is he available?

People I Love
* I love Emails from Crazy People, because comparatively speaking, EVERYONE is sane. EVERYONE. I also love this dude, who admitted to wanting to hire someone to dress up as a pilgrim on Thanksgiving to serve him and his guests dinner:

[Found at Emails From Crazy People]
He's a total asshole, but at least he's up front about it. 'Gravy-ladler' isn't a career you hear much about anymore, is it?

Movie!Fail
* David Fincher is directing a movie that features Justin Timberlake.

Yeah, I'm done.

PS I lied, I'm not done. Jesse Eisenberg is in the movie too, and he's rapidly becoming Epic!Win, so maybe if he punches Justin Timberlake, everything will be all better, yes?

TeeVee
* Besides being rich, talented, and BRILLIANT, Edgar Wright has the urge to display amazing DVD TV shows that are not mine:

FINE, Mr. Wright. You win at EVERYTHING. OK? Except being a girl. That's where I'm a VIKING.

Also, I probably know more about Hunter Thompson and fashion than you do. I said 'probably.' I'm not taking any chances.

Awesome
* OMIGOD. OMIGOD.

[Found at Hijinks Ensue]
Kaisha found this for me. I adore her. ALMOST AS MUCH AS BACON ALPHA WASH.

Seriously, it's like these guys climbed into my head and made all my deepest desires come to comic life!

EPIC WIN, PEOPLE. RIGHT HERE.

Movie!Win
* ZOMBIELAND 2. IN 3-D.
That's the tag-line. That I just invented. My fee is several hours with Tallahassee, and a lifetime supply of Twinkies.

I really don't care much either way about the 3-D aspect, but whatever Zombieland thinks is good for me IS good for me. I also want the DVD now. And I think I'll wear my Tallahassee hat today.

Childhood!Fail
* If the image of Megan Fox getting leg-humped by a tiny racist robot as Megatron DIES didn't annhilate Transformers for you, try this:

How did that work? You OK? Stop crying. MEGATRON HATES YOU AND YOUR HUMAN TEARS.

Wow
* Alan Moore. Singing.

[Found at Topless Robot]
Brain broken now. Ears too. All broken bits in head-bones.

Animals
* OTTERS. I WANT AN OTTER. I WILL NAME HIM OLIVER. I AM UNCREATIVE:

How about Ollie? Oswald? OSCAR?

OK, time to read more FREAKANGELS. And if I decide to wear my Tallahassee hat, there will be pictures.
- LV

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS TO FOLLOW
- Mark got a booboo! Wow, way for me to undermine the drama. And GOD DAMN THE CARS ESPLODED.

I'd say this would make a sick movie, but then they'd fuck it up, and I would be filled with sorrow and rage. And nobody wants THAT.

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You Nailed All My Lawn Furniture To My Roof.

Blog
* On the upside, now you can have roof parties. Title is from Glee.

Since this blog has hit 100,000 um... hits.... I'm going to celebrate (in part) by highlighting some of the amazing people I've gotten to know while doing this. Good amazing, I mean. Not the ones who are on Maury as we speak.

I can't draw. I say that often. I wish I could.

It's Dr.Horrible's turn by ~darkravenkiki on deviantART
Not only can Kristina draw, she can do anime versions of Dr. Horrible and Firefly and Watchmen. That's just not fair. NOT FAIR AT ALL. She should share her talent. Somehow. I haven't worked out that bit yet. And her drawings of Sylar from Heroes make him look menacing AND adorable, which is hard to achieve.

You can also buy her work, which you should totally do, because god damn I want a cute anime drawing of Sylar and Rorschach and Ianto drinking tea and eating sugar cubes and pie. It's Wednesday. The coffee isn't working. Leave me BE.

Daily Buy
* Some people have excellent balance. I do not. But some people do, and some of those people like electric skateboards, so you could always buy them this:

[Found Hammacher]
It goes 19 miles an hour, and can hold weights of over 200 pounds. It costs $599.95, so only get it for people you REALLY love/hate.

And if you see a short skinny girl shoot by screaming at 19 MPH, holding onto a skateboard for dear life... it's not me. Must be someone else.

Holiday!Fail
* I have a conflicted relationship with the holidays. I love them, but I hate them, and they depress the hell out of me WHILE filling me with a warm fuzzy feeling. It's complicated. And I always get ugly socks, or really vile-smelling soaps from Bath & Body Works.
But to counteract the joy of the Daily Buy, here is a Holiday!Fail:

[Found at Passive Aggressive Notes]
HAHAHA, I just CRAPPED all over your holidays- I'm sorry. That wasn't even funny, and it's only WEDNESDAY, KNOCK ME OUT NOW.

Comics
* You need to click here, because this cracked me up, and made me lovingly question the good people at Marvel, while secretly hoping they will hire me to read comics and be funny. Or the ISS. I'm flexible. I can be good OR evil, depending on the vacation time.

Moment Of Win
* I kind of think this is a brilliant maze. I mean, how long would you spend trying to figure this out? 3, for seconds?

see more Epic Fails

Life Lessons
* Patrick Stewart, AKA Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the starship Enterprise, grew up under the shadow of domestic violence. He wrote a beautiful, sad piece for The Guardian about domestic violence, and the lasting effects. So read and donate, because nobody should have to go through that sort of experience.

Food!Fail
* These pancakes covered with blueberry and boysenberry syrups, and chocolate-rainbow candies and a lollipop, may indeed be delicious:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
But I'm blind from the technicolor pancakes now, so tastiness isn't really a factor for me at the moment.

Daily Hot Guy

[James Marsters, as Spike from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. Requested by Liz. Thank you, Liz.]

Politics
* Bill O'Reilly and Mike Huckabee: TEAM FAIL

You DON'T commute a criminal's sentence, and then when he goes and KILLS four cops, you don't offer some HALF-ASSED explanation. This isn't about my dislike for Bill O'Reilly, or my contempt for Mike Huckabee. This is about four cops who were killed, who didn't have to die.

Would O'Reilly have heard this explanation and then said: "It's not your fault, Governor. I'm not saying it's your fault. I don't think anyone here is thinking it's your fault."

IT IS HIS FAULT. HE WAS THE GOVERNOR. THAT MAKES IT YOUR FAULT. If Mario Cuomo (former Governor of New York), had done this, I would be just as angry. If you're the governor, it's YOUR FAULT. I don't care if you're Democrat or Republican. You commute some guys sentence from 108 YEARS, and he goes and MURDERS for police officers, IT IS YOUR FAULT. END OF STORY.

I'm not saying O'Reilly was soft on Huckabee because they're both on FOX. I don't know why. But when four police officers are needlessly DEAD, that is not the time to be comforting the dude who let the killer out. I'm just saying.

* On the lighter side, Todd Palin has a delicious and easy recipe for 'Baked Alaska' Pot Brownies and beer. I love the Palins. They are never boring and always fun, so long as they have NO POWER whatsoever.

Epic!Fail
* Ladies and gentlemen, for your viewing pleasure, I present embroidered Lady Gaga toilet paper:

[Found at Regretsy]
'Viewing pleasure' may not be the right phrase.

This week is not fun. Can it be cancelled so I can get some sleep?
- LV

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For Some Reason, I Could Really Go For Some Pea Soup.

Blog
* Pea soup is good. Title is from Supernatural.

* Miss Banshee, one of the supreme rulers of the interwebz, exposes the conspiracy behind those Folgers coffee commercials. Any rumors you may have heard about me crying at old Hallmark commercials are untrue.

Daily Buy
* These cookie-cutters are sweet. Then again, I like anything that provides me baked good. But look! They look all chewed and stuff!

[Found at Neatorama]
I'd buy this for someone who loves baking, then not-so-subtly hint that in lieu of thank-you-cards, I'd appreciate cookies.

Food!Win
* I love latkes:

[Found at Slash Food]
I desire zucchini, scallion, and potato pancakes. MAKE THESE FOR ME. WE'RE GOING TO REACH 100,000 HITS TODAY, AND I THINK THAT LATKES WOULD BE A NICE THANK-YOU.

Girly Shit
* I don't like fur. And this is not changing my stance:

[Found at Best Week Ever]
This girl, who I do not know, is wearing THREE tails, a set of HORNS, and a ring of ANIMAL SKULLS.

If this becomes a fashion 'thing,' I'm out guys, seriously.

WTF, INTERNET?
* This section will kill me one day. Mark my words.
I was reading BoingBoing yesterday, and noticed this headline:

Mother Jones on mints for your vagina

Now hold the phone. WHAT? The article, which is very interesting, is all about how these mints are bullshit. But my thought process was more along the lines of, 'MINTS FOR YOUR VAGINA WHUT?'

So I went to their website.
They claim the product 'flavors' a girls sex bits, to make her less repugnant to her partner and increase her confidence.

You're kidding, RIGHT? So you eat these mints, that contain who knows what, it alters your body's chemical makeup for TASTE, and then you feel better about yourself? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Yeah, yeah, disclaimer says novelty, but you know what? The website reads as serious, and THIS IS SO SICK. WHOEVER PAYS $7.99 FOR MINTS LIKE THIS SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO HAVE SEX AGAIN, EVER.

Except if you buy them as a joke. BUT EVEN THAT IS SORT OF SICK, YES? And how offensive. 'Yeah, girls are GROSS and their bits are REVOLTING, BURN THE WITCH AND SEND HER BACK TO THE KITCHEN. '

But girls are to blame, too. Are you that insecure about your BASIC BIOLOGY to endorse this product by using it? RISE UP. FIGHT THE MINT OPPRESSORS.

I need to go look at something soothing.

Daily Hot Guy

[Ah. Much better. Steve Carell, who is a fine figure of a man, and who I hope one day has a show on Comedy Central between The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.]

Music
* You guys think I'm kidding when I say I want to be Lady Gaga.

[Found at Gawker]
I hope this picture settles that debate.

Words Of Win
* Yeah, I would post a sign like this:

[Found at Passive Aggressive Notes]
The second one, I mean. That shouldn't surprise you.

OK, Tuesday, let's go.
- LV

Read More »»

Youth Is Truth! I Wish 'Old' Rhymed With 'Lies!'

Blog
* Maybe it does, maybe it does. Title is from Mr. Show.

Daily Buy
* I know what I want for Christmas:

[Found at Like Cool]
It's a TANK. A TANK. I need this. Because then I get to pretend I'm in Firefly, and wear a leather skirt and, like, a halter top and have big Tina Turner in Beyond the Thunderdome hair, and this thing has FLAME THROWERS, PEOPLE. I could live in this tank.
And it's a steal at $19,999.95. YOU CAN BUY IT ON AMAZON.

People I Love
* Here's an article from NY Magazine about Neil Patrick Harris, and how totally wonderful and made of win he is. AND HE'S A MAGICIAN. DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?

Fandom
* I don't like Pokemon, and I don't like math, but I sort of love this:

[Found at Geekologie]

Movie!Fail
* We don't need another Amityville Horror remake. Really, we've had enough. The last one only got a pass because of Ryan Reynold's arms. And before you call that shallow, have you SEEN his arms? They end most arguments. They are very good arms.

This is not from Amityville Horror, but I like it for many reasons. Anyway, unless you want to feature another sexy guy going crazy shirtless, I am calling this Movie!Fail.

TeeVee
* Remember all those 'baby' cartoons that came out for a while? Tiny Toon Adventures was one of my favorites. Wasn't there a Looney Toons Babies or something? I remember being very scared of Bugs Bunny in a diaper. Here's a list of the best and worst, according to Topless Robot. Yes, Topless Robot did expose us all to the Fan Fiction Friday I posted yesterday. But there's NONE OF THAT in this link. I promise. I couldn't handle that.

Daily Hot Guy

[Neil Patrick Harris, AKA NPH, and I SWEAR I do not plan this stuff out, the Blog just knows who I'm talking about and acts accordingly. It's a little scary, if I stop and think about it.]

Awesome
* If you've seen this, you need to see it again. If you haven't seen it, you need to be exposed to the endless glory of this video:

That should get us all through Monday, right?

Movie!Win
* The title of this category is literal, as some dude bought an old film off of eBay, for less than $6.00 (did that include shipping and handling? Probably not, they KILL you on the shipping), and it turned out to be the Lost Charlie Chaplin film. Stuff like this actually HAPPENS? I worked at a video store, and the rarest film I ever saw was the VHS copy of Cold As Ice.

I still regret not purchasing it.

Childhood!Fail
* Now hold the hell up. I know that kids these days are cuddled and over-indulged and protected from everything, but really, this is starting to get scary.

When it snows, and there is a hill, a kid drags a sleigh up the hill, and sleds down it, and it is fun and exciting and teaches you to avoid crashing into cars or trees or other people. IT IS GOOD FOR YOU.

Well, some parents have decided that dragging those heavy sleighs up those HUGE hills is just too much for their delicate little flowers:

{Found at Like Cool]
Sleds on your ass. So you can run up the hill and slide down on your ass. Because sleds are LAME, it seems. THIS IS CRAP. NO. YOU DRAG THE SLEIGH UP AND IT BUILDS CHARACTER. I LOVED MY LITTLE RED SLEIGH WHEN I WAS GROWING UP.
And you know what? If I was a little kid, and saw another kid with their butt encased in plastic, I'd kick them. Repeatedly. Because that's what kids DO.
How much do you want to bet that this kids' name is Chair Universe Artichoke Dream or something?

Wow
* Longtime blog readers will recall the time I tried to sell some very ugly handmade scarves on Etsy. I felt bad for charging money for such things, although they never sold, so my guilt was short-lived.
This made me feel better about the whole venture:

[Found at Regretsy]
I like the bit where she designed it. Because I used to do that with unbent paper clips when I was bored.

Animals
* BABY MONKEY DAW:

[Found at Jacksonville News]
Bonobo babies are snuggly. I want to rub its little head.

Mondays HURT, man.
- LV

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That Was The Second Album I Ever Bought!

Blog
* I think the second album I ever bought was the soundtrack to Pocahontas. What? Title is from Shaun of the Dead.

* I love these socks that meta_louise made:

They are fuzzy and delightful.

* Michelle broke the rules. She spoke ill of a movie that featured Ron Perlman. We do not do these things. DENIAL IS AN ACCEPTABLE RESPONSE TO The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. BECAUSE IT HURTS MY SOUL. Clearly Ron Perlman was Photoshopped into the movie. Can we all pretend this? For me?

Daily Buy
* This is your holiday gift-guide of stuff I think is cool, and should be purchased for someone. Like me, maybe.

For some reason, I lose my temper when I am repeatedly asked to pass the salt/pepper at the table. Once or twice is fine. Hell four or five times is acceptable. But when we enter double digits, I start muttering psychotically about how everyone should have their own salt and pepper shakers, and why the hell do you need so much damn seasoning.
These would solve the problem:

[Found at Nerd Approved]
THEY WALK. YOU WIND THEM AND THEY WALK. This amuses me. I would have a small army of spice-filled robots marching across the table.

Art
* This is a pretty Coke can:

[Found at Like Cool]
It looks chrome. Everything is chrome in the future!


Comics
* I have been on a Joker kick as of late. I love him. He is a mean scary clown, which would naturally lead you to believe that he scares the shit out of me (and sometimes he does, because GOD DAMN), but he is also probably my favorite villain of all time (I am unoriginal) (incidentally, Iron Man is still my favorite hero, and I stand by that, and if these two ever face off TELL ME, so I can keel over in fangirl joy) (I do like Deadpool a lot, of course, but Iron Man is still my favorite, ever since I read Demon In A Bottle).
The Joker gets full points for the most creative, fucked-up kills in the comic 'verse (I wait now for someone to correct me).
This is one of my favorites:

Also this one, from The Dark Knight, because he FINISHES THE TRICK. 'It's... ah, it's gone!'

I also think those are the Joker equivalent of spirit fingers at the end.
Here's a list of the top ten Joker kills. HAHA, he made Batgirl dead! WIN.

Tattoo Of Win
* Patience sent me this, to make sure it wasn't me:

[Found at Ugliest Tattoos]
Don't be silly. I don't have a pierced navel!

Life Lessons

[Found at Indexed]

Moment Of Win

[Found at Friggin Random]

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan Tudyk, AKA Alpha Wash (it matters not that both these shows have been cancelled, they embody all that is Win in him, and he shall be referred to as such for ALWAYS), in a bathtub, with soap in his hair. Looking stoned. The whole movie this is from has no merit beyond him.]

Harry Potter
* Oh, I did not read this at ALL. It's a truly twisted Draco/Lucius naked-time story, and I read the bit before the jump, and now I can't even DEAL with Harry Potter for a while.

Fine, fine. In the sake of journalistic integrity, or whatever, I will read the whole thing, so I know what I'm linking to. One second.

OH FUCKING GOD. OH MY EYES. THEY CAN NEVER UNREAD THIS. OH SHIT. I NEED ALCOHOL. NOW. GALLONS OF RUBBING ALCOHOL FLOWING THROUGH THE STRIP. HOLY SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?
YOU DO NOT DO THAT TO SOMEONE'S HEAD. EVER.

Tore through blood? I don't believe that's how liquids work.

This also may have some of the funniest FFF comments ever, which will comfort me as I check myself into a sanitarium, where they pipe in soothing music and keep me away from the internet, where BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO DRACO MALFOY. Jeez, doesn't the kid have enough issues? And after reading this story, ask yourself this question: At what point in the book series do you think the author hatched this idea? BECAUSE IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.

TwiHate
* Occasionally people get annoyed about this category. If I don't like Twilight, why do I discuss it? If I have such general fandom love (and I do, which is why I mock it mercilessly), why am I so hard on TwiFans?

The short answer is that I'm a bitch. The longer answer is that I find the books deeply offensive and stupid, the movies mind-bogglingly horrific, the media's angle that 'suddenly girls like comics and fantasy!' angle ridiculous, and the merchandise to be proof that we are living in the end of times.

But I do have friends who like Twilight, and they are smart and wonderful, and to be honest I have no real issue with the fans who just happen to like it. If you're not in any of the above categories, and can laugh at your fandom, I wish you well. It's just the ones who take it seriously - I mean, REALLY seriously, and get very very upset with any sort of fun-poking (look, if you're in a fandom, you need to laugh. Ditto for all you people who REALLY care about a sports team. Or politics. Or anything. If you can't laugh at the things that matter to you, on some level, you're going to be in for a rough ride) - that cause me to have this category.

Also the fact that I hate Stephenie Meyers' work for many reasons. But that's OK, isn't it? How many people hate my various loves? Or make fun of them? They had BLUE CONDOMS when Watchmen came out.

Anyway, moving away from my rant about why Twilight makes me want to scream, here's a poster that sums it up for me:

[Found at Geekologie]
Taylor Lautner is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. HE WAS SHARKBOY:

THIS WAS FOUR FREAKING YEARS AGO.
Just saying.

And for those of you NAYSAYERS that claim I know not of what I speak, I sat through New Moon yesterday. Really. And I have to say, it is quite possibly the best movie ever to MST3K the SHIT out of. If you have a friend with a similar sense of humor, go now. It was truly beyond words. And by 'beyond words,' I mean utterly terrible and probably illegal in other cultures.

Food!Fail
* Some things are not meant to be combined and then frozen:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
This is the description:

Picnic Popsicles
Bacon cheeseburger chunks, ketchup, mustard and onion frozen in strawberry KoolAid.

Did you know you could freeze ketchup? It never occurred to me. But apparently you can. In other news, I need to go throw up.

Politics
* Every time Tom DeLay dances, a kitten explodes:

THINK OF THE KITTENS.

Apocalypse How?
* Once, when I was a wee lass on vacation with my parents, the plane missed the runway during landing. So we turned around and landed. I was a naive little slip of a thing, and thought this was good fun.

Now I am older, wiser, and prone to crying as I step on a plane, because they are GODLESS KILLING MACHINES.

If this had happened to me on that flight, I'm not sure I'd be able to even speak of planes without shaking and whimpering:

A passenger plane headed for an airport in eastern Congo overshot the runway (spider solitaire) and ended up crash-landing in lava.

LAVA. PLANES ARE LANDING IN LAVA. What's next, landing in a pit of flesh-eating clowns? WHY DID I JUST TYPE THAT?

Epic!Fail
* I eat meat, and I enjoy meat, even though my father is a hardcore vegan and my mother is a vegetarian, and I enjoy many vegan/vegetarian foods. But I also like meat, and find it delicious, and while I respect people's moral stance against consuming animal products, I do not subscribe to that philosophy.

However, I think we can all agree that this is super-fucked-up:
WARNING: This is actually a very upsetting video, so I'm going to tell you about it before you innocently click on it and are dumped into a nightmare world of animal torture.
This fish is alive. It was lightly fried (while alive), covered in sauce (while alive), then eaten slowly (while alive and moving).

I don't need to explain why this is Epic!Fail, do I?

Books
* When the International Society of Supervillains tells you to read something, you DAMN WELL READ IT.

Doctor Who
* Any list of Doctor Who villains that includes Magnus Greel is INARGUABLY brilliant. Totally unrelated, am I the only one who watches new Doctor Who/Torchwood episodes and thinks, 'Brigadier Leader Lethbridge-Stewart would NEVER have allowed UNIT to become such a mess!'? It also just struck me that he and Ianto Jones might have gotten along rather well. I have such thoughts.

I think that was a long enough post for a Sunday, don't you? Off to make presents for people, and possibly find a way to steal Lady Gaga's identity. WHAT? I want her shoes.
- LV

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Do You Know What The Words 'Low Profile' Mean?

Blog
* Oh, Quentin Tarantino knows what those words mean. He just chooses to ignore them. Title is from From Dusk 'Till Dawn.

Freakangels Friday
* FINALLY. IT IS FRIDAY AND THERE IS FREAKANGELS, AND I CAN CATCH UP ON WHAT I HAVE MISSED. IT IS ALL OK. I am also very happy we are flashing back, because I no longer have to spend each week worrying if Karl will live or not. I'm sure you appreciate that as well. So let's all agree that as long as we're in the past, Karl is alive. OK? Spoilers for this weeks' FREAKANGELS under my signature.

Oh, and I finally bought a Warren Ellis T-Shirt Of The Week:

But I've had to promise I won't wear it in front of my family members, who hate health care, and health in general, and already suspect me of being a Communist anarchist liberal type-person.

Remake!Fail
* I think I've yelled enough about this, but it still manages to make me insane:

[Found at Slash Film]
YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH THE KARATE KID. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE RELATED TO WILL SMITH.

TeeVee
* I love Mystery Science Theater 3000. I love it. I love everything about it. I love Tom Serve and Crow and Gypsy. I may love Joel more than Mike because I think Joel is sexy, but I sort of think Mike was better onscreen. WHAT? Joel is AWESOME. I missed him terribly. But I digress.
Every episode should be on DVD. They should. Or at least on Instant Watch on Netflix. Here's a list of the best episodes that aren't yet on DVD. PUMAMAN. That is all you need to know. PUMAMAN. Think about the possibilities.

Geek Want
* I would like everything on this list. Except the Warren Ellis T-Shirt, obviously. Because I bought that for myself already. Because I'm greedy.
For the record, for the rest of the year, this will be more of a shopping advice section, because I am always looking for cool shit to get people (or to have them buy for me, because, as I've said, I am a greedy girl.)

Awesome
* I can knit. I can't knit WELL, but I can knit. I am now determined to learn how to knit skunk hats for everyone I know:

[Found at Neatorama]
SKUNK HATS FOR ALL. But not the cow hat. It looks like the cow is nomming on the babys' head. Which is not what I'm going for. SKUNK PUNK.

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan Rickman, and a statue head. I have no idea what is going on in this picture. Nor do I care. SOMETIMES THINGS DON'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, DO THEY?]

Movie!Win
* BURKE & HARE. BURKE & HARE.

[Found at David Tennant News]
Simon Pegg and David Tennant and John Landis. Click here to learn more about it. BEST MOVIE EVER. You heard it here first.

Childhood!Fail
* Hmm, a motorcycle for small children based on the adventures of a man who broke nearly every bone in his body multiple times.

[Found at Like Cool]
And no helmet! This is a fail because on one hand, as a child I would have loved to get this as a gift. But it can only go up to 4 miles an hour. So naturally I would have raised the stakes:
'Hey, Mommy! Look at me!'
'L! HOW DID YOU GET UP ON THE ROOF WITH YOUR MOTORCYCLE?'
Point is, this is going to end badly. Either make it go faster, or include detailed instructions on the many ways Evel Knievel injured himself over the years, so dumb-ass parents can't sue. Just a thought.

Wow
* I'm not sure how I'd react to seeing this in a subway station:

[Found at Das Cabinet des Dr. Ruthven]
I'm sure it's meant to be positive and hopeful, but it would sort of freak me out. Good times for WHO, exactly? My good time is not the same as a serial killer's good time. Just saying.

Animals
* I want this dog:

What else can I add? I want this dog in my life.

Food!Win
* I made this yesterday for Thanksgiving. It's cranberry chutney:

[Found at Unfussy Fare]
And it was effing GLORIOUS. I would make more, except after yesterday I am never, ever eating again.

Girly Want
* I think I need these shoes. I can't figure out how to embed the image, so click here and see them. I also need a reason to wear these shoes, but that comes after I own them.

WTF, INTERNET?
* OH MY GOD:

[Found at Regretsy]
OH MY GOD. No thank you. Make it go away, please. CHIPMUNKS SHOULD NOT EAT MICE. Beatrix Potter would NEVER do this shit to children. I need to hug a stuffed animal.

Music
* In my next life, I want to be Lady Gaga:

Can someone make this happen? Please?

Technology
* Ikea is both a land of greatness and the place where the mind will crumble. I love Ikea. Here's what you should know about Ikea.
Here's the reason I will always love IKEA:

And Jonathan Coulton, obviously.

Crafts
* I cannot make this hat. But someone should make it for me:

[Found at Instructables]
Because I still cannot afford the super-expensive real pajamas they were selling. And that makes me sad.

Spoilers for this weeks' FREAKANGELS below my signature.
- LV

SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS BELOW
- Beautiful art. How did the cops get wise to them? And their hair is so different. It makes it hard for me to tell who they are. MORE IMPORTANTLY, DO WANT THIS:

And I'm broke and trying to make nice things for my friends. It's going to be a rough season, guys. ROUGH FOR MY GREED.

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Who Was Murdered, & Was It Gruesome?

Blog
* Richard Castle, sensitivity counselor. Title is from Castle.

* Patience found further proof that I am supposed to be living in England, RIGHT NOW:

I WILL GET FREE CAR INSURANCE. OMIGOD.

Books
* Here's a list of classic occult books. These are not 'OMIGOD I saw The Craft and I am a witch now!' books. These are the real shit, the history and theory behind these beliefs. Very interesting. I want to read about alchemy. I need to make a gold puppy for one of my friends.

Nostalgia!Win
* Say what you will, toys were way more ass-kicking back in the day, especially slime-based toys:

[Found at Topless Robot]
I HAD THIS. And it stained all my clothes, and my parents despised it, which made me love it even more. I would pretend Slimer was my pet, and I had to find him. It was the most fun. Now they just have freaking computerized shit. NO SLIME AT ALL.

But where's the Gak? I would pretend Gak was my alien pet from the My Teacher Is An Alien book series. I had the best childhood. CAN YOU STILL BUY GAK?

Torchwood
* Larissa sent me this right before I fell asleep the other night:

Yeah, I was awake for a long time.

People I Love
* It's so easy to make fun of someone who asks a stupid question. This person, however, surpasses that:

[Found at Geekologie]
I love this person. I salute you, Yahoo! Answers Dude. You are my Hero of The Day.

Daily Hot Guy

[Zachary Quinto. Insert stupid and juvenile but totally accurate 'mind meld' joke.]

Stuff To Live
* File this under, 'LV didn't read the whole article because the product is shiny and violent and tiny, and these things win her over completely, and it kills you at specific times, maybe.'

[Found at Crunch Gear]
It's teeny tiny! I'm amused!

Fandom
* Guys, this is NOT OK:

d'Armond Speers spoke only Klingon to his child for the first three years of its life.

Klingon? Not Spanish, French, Mandarin? Not some gutteral genuflecting concoction from the deepest recesses of Borneo? Klingon? ...

"I was interested in the question of whether my son, going through his first language acquisition process, would acquire it like any human language," Speers told the Minnesota Daily. "He was definitely starting to learn it."

HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE STAR TREK. THAT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE. This isn't some deranged fan who thinks that the Klingons are totally coming to visit and are going to need an ambassador when they show up. THIS IS JUST TWEAKED. Poor kid. I hope the kid sues the fuck out of his dad when he gets old enough, then sells the rights to the story. He might be able to pay for his therapy at that point.

PS. Did you know some people translate Shakespeare into Klingon? That's sort of awesome. BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUCKING WITH KIDS. DO YOU SEE THE DIFFERENCE. I need more coffee.

Movie!Fail
* The Green Lantern movie is going to be the death of my faith in comic movies. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.

TeeVee
* I still hate Sex & The City (post-traumatic stress disorder, I'll explain at another time), but I absolutely agree with everything this blog says about Charlotte vs. Carrie. CARRIE CAN SUCK IT. SHE FAILS AT EVERYTHING.

Words Of Win

[Found at AutoComplete Me by the epic Dan Faust]

ONLY.... some shopping days until Christmas. I'mma go work on my list.
- LV

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Is That Community Theater Or Are You Naturally Like This?

Blog
* I'm whichever makes you love me more, Dean Winchester. Title is from Supernatural.

* I know, I know, bad blogger, blah blah blah. Some weeks I can't blog every day. I'M JUST A PERSON.

* Patience is on my list of people I want to be when I grow up:

She MADE that. I know. I think she has magic powers.

Art
* This conversation just took place via Gchat:
Me: Check out this door handle:

[Found at Geekologie]
Friend: Holy shit.
Me: It's a DOOR HANDLE.
Friend: That's really scary.
Me: Are you kidding? Imagine going to some guys' house for a first date, and that's his door handle. He's going to be the coolest dude. Think about it!
Friend: On the plus side, we probably won't be fighting over guys anytime soon.

Comics
* I'd like Marvel Smartass to be president. Of something. Somewhere. This is why.

Words Of Win

[Found at Passive Aggressive Notes]

Life Lessons
* Your pizza preferences tell a lot about your personality. Look at mine:

Meat feast (Beef, ham, pepperoni, chicken, sausage and bacon): Everything you do is related to sex. You're a life support system for a crotch. Get help.

Yep, that's - HEY WAIT A SECOND. CAN I CHANGE MY ANSWER?

Pepperoni Perfection (Double pepperoni, mushrooms and onions): You have lovely hair and gentle eyes. And breath that could fell a hippo.

Much better. HEY.

Whut?
* I.... I don't think there's a CORRECT statement to make about this painting:

[Found at Regretsy]
It's VERY WELL PAINTED. Totally. But... THE FLIES ARE MAKING BABY FLIES. Flies deserve privacy. Also, I never want to see insects doing it. And I just don't get it. At all. I am culturally IGNORANT.

Food!Fail
* I have a deep, deep aversion to flavored beers. Not so much (at all) flavored ciders, and I will drink anything from England, because I have a deep and fierce love for all things English. But due to the Adventures With Pumpkin-Flavored Beer, I cannot support beer that is supposed to taste like watermelon:

[Found at SlashFood]
Which is too bad, because the can is super-cool, and I enjoy beer greatly. No, LV! Remember Oktoberfest! REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED.
Right. Flavored beer is evil, my friends. YOU WILL NOT TEMPT ME WITH YOUR WILES, SERPENT OF MY DESTRUCTION.

Daily Hot Guy

[Edward Norton. I love him, and hope he decides to be in The Avengers movie, because the idea of him and Robert Downey, Jr. acting together makes me almost black out with happy.]

Politics
* I love Texas hardcore, even though I've never been there, because awesome people live there, and they deep-fry EVERYTHING, and it's warm there. But John Culberson needs to maybe shut up. Because Hillary Clinton is busy with her job, and doesn't have time for marijuana in England or whatever bullshit your quacking about. Now deep fry me some butter. FOR AMERICA.

* I want to buy this for someone. For reals:

[Found at Regretsy]
This is even better because the seller insists it's spelled right. I love EVERYONE.

* Hi, Universe. First of all, judicial misconduct does NOT mean it's not rape. Second, lying about rape is bad. Especially when your lies are used as defense for the rapist. Third, maybe Roman Polanski uses all his genius in movies, which would explain the almost frighteningly bad life choices he makes. Just a thought. Love, LV

Epic!Fail
* This may be illegal, or plagiarism, and I will take it down if need be, but you need to read this whole article to understand how epic this fail IS:

'Flasher' causes bus to hit police station

The alleged flasher being blamed for a bus crash in Hamilton is just 14-years-old.

Police say the teenager exposed himself to a fellow bus passenger, causing the terrified woman to scream.

The driver immediately drove to a nearby police station on River Rd, with the woman still screaming.

The driver stopped and opened the door, but unfortunately forgot to put the bus into neutral.

The vehicle rolled forward, crashing into the police station's entrance way.

No one was injured but the bus suffered a cracked windscreen and the building received minor damage.

Police have arrested the 14-year-old boy and charged him with carrying out an indecent act.

There is nothing I could possibly add to this story. NOTHING. Everything fails here. And everyone. Lady, it's a child's penis. That's weird and awkward, but insane hysterical screaming is MAYBE not the best way to respond. JUST A SUGGESTION.

OK, all done for the moment.
- LV

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Hope For Anissa

Because I wouldn't know what to say, but I think this is important, I'm simply copying and pasting, and hoping that sends good vibes out to all those who need it, especially Anissa:

As you may have heard, Anissa, our beloved friend and leader here at Aiming Low, suffered a stroke on Tuesday afternoon. She is in the hospital right now, in the ICU.
More than anything, Anissa needs your prayers and positive thoughts but to the many people in the Atlanta area who have offered help to the Mayhew family, we have set up a form for you to fill out so we can have everyone’s contact info in one place (please be assured your information will be kept private). If you are NOT in the Atlanta area but still want to help, you can also leave your information on that form.
Things that would be helpful right now are gift cards to restaurants and gift cards to the movies or to Blockbuster (to help keep the kids’ occupied) and gas/hotel gift cards for her extended family. A P.O. Box has been set up to receive any items you wish to send, the address can be found below. Please don’t send anything to the hospital or the Mayhew home. If you have questions, please email helpforanissa@gmail.com
We ask that you please respect the Mayhew family’s privacy by NOT calling the hospital and we thank you all SO MUCH for your outpouring of love and support for Anissa and her family.
With thanks and love,
The Aiming Low Team
If you would like to send something to Anissa and her family, we have set up a P.O. Box.
860 Johnson Ferry Road 140-184
Atlanta, GA 30342

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